Viridescent Flares

8

// Trigger Warning for self-harm //

It was Tuesday and we're on our way to Z100 for our first interview with Lauren. I was just messing with my phone with the green eyed girl sitting beside me at the furthes back of the van. The rest are asleep and I was surprised to see Lauren staring outside. I noticed that her eyes were almost falling though.

"The trip could take a little while," I told her, her emerald orbs quickly finding mine. "You might want to sleep."

She smiled at the suggestion and nodded appreciatively, leaning to the window and I watched the pacific ocean hide behind the thin alabaster skin of her eyelids. I smiled to myself before turning back to my phone and scrolling through it mindlessly. I was just trying not get bored while in the trip. I suddenly thought about what Camila told me. Do I really want Lauren back as my girlfriend? I mean, that wouldn't be too bad but that would send me back in circles. I will love her and get hurt, because obviously, love is almost the synonym of pain in many unexplainable reasons, but it is. You cannot love someone and not get hurt.

What if I got hurt and I couldn't control my emotions and just go ballistic in front of Lauren? What if I hit the hell out of her when I get too mad? I'll only hurt her, too. I may not hit her because I know that when I see those green eyes, I'll already calm down and forget the reason why I was mad at the first place. What if I punch the wall instead? Or a mirror? Or get drunk and smoke? Or worse, cut myself.

Everything's still fresh in my mind. I still remember how panicky Camila was when she saw me in my bathroom with blood all over the place. I can remember how she bursted into tears vividly, and how she threw the blade away from me. I know I was a bit in trance those times but I can still remember it. I remember how Camila called Dinah and the Polynesian nearly fainted when she saw me covered in crimson red. I remember it all.

"Y/n? Y/n! Y/n, you have to stay with me, come on. No, don't close your eyes, don't," Camila ordered frantically while looking for a towel in my bathroom.

The whole place is a mess. From my clothes to the floor, everything just looked like a rose—thick and red, but almost dying nonetheless. My gaze is blurry but I can still figure Camila's petite body, searching through my cabinets, and when she found one, she opened the tap of the water and held the towel in it. I shut my eyes tightly to try to get rid of the tears in it, groaning irritatedly when I just couldn't. I raised my left arm, blood trickling from it and using the back of my hand to wipe my eyes. It was worse. The sticky liquid occupied my face that I had no choice but to just let it go and keep the tears falling. I wasn't crying because of the pain I caused myself, but because Lauren betrayed me.

"Shit," the Cuban curse, coming close to me and using the damp cloth to wipe the blood off of my face. I can feel her shaking against me, and I can hear her crying, too. "What did you even do?" Just like her whole body, her voice was shaky, too. "Why are you doing these things to yourself?"

She kept on wiping my face until I can see clearly and she carefully lifted my left arm, doing the same with the cloth. I watched her helplessly, fighting the urge to push her and just jump out the window to die. This was the reason why I've cut myself, wasn't it? To die. To get rid of all the demons haunting my mind—to get rid of both physical and emotional pain I've been feeling.