Invisible Girl (Chat MD Series #1) (TO BE PUBLISHED)

Day 69.1

(STU's university page)

STU Stories
2 hrs ⊙▽

Dear Invisible Girl,

As insurance, I asked admin Cha to post this today, Wednesday, 5:00 PM, while surely, I am on my way home to an empty house and a silent phone. Walang signal sa resthouse sa tabing-dagat kung nasan si Dad and I don't want to go home to the emptiness.

Maghihintay pa sana ako ng 85th day para siguradong handa ka nang marinig (or in this case, mabasa) ang confession ko. Kaso... gaya ng alam mo, possessive ako. Clingy. Demanding. Impatient.

There's one thing I haven't told you aside from all those. I am extremely crazy when I fall in love. Hindi ko nasabi kasi hindi ko rin alam na tatamaan ako ng ganito katindi. Na nakakabuang pala talaga manood sa malayo at magpigil araw-araw na lapitan ka. O hawakan ka. O kausapin ka. In less than sixty days, you tamed me real good. Naka-tattoo ka na sa obliques ko, morning alarm ko na ang good morning message mo, at kahit anong schoolworks, iniiwan ko pag patak ng 9pm. Kahit sinasabi kong 'don't let me bother you', lagi akong hoping na sasabihin mong wala ka nang gagawin para akin ka na buong gabi hanggang goodnight. I tried my best not to sound too eager to ask for more of your voice messages na paulit-ulit kong pinapakinggan. I tried so hard not to be impatient pero hindi ko mapigilang biglang maghintay sa tapos ng lab hours mo at ihatid ka pauwi. I tried so hard not to tease you but I always fail. I tried so hard not to tell you I love you, but all those long, silent pauses in my voice messages, I'm telling you over and over and over.

How did you do that? And why did you make me fall that deep just to suddenly leave?

I'm sure, there's a lot on your mind dahil worrier ka. Even though you bring the sun in mine, you yourself live in the shadow of doubts and insecurities.

I wanted to keep you secure. I wanted to assure you about how real you are to me. Pero pano ko gagawin yun kung bigla ka na lang nawala?

I was on an accident that Saturday that I asked to meet you. Nanghihinayang ako nun dahil nung araw na yun, sasabihin ko na sana sayong alam ko na kung sino ka. Para sana hindi ka na mahirapan at mamutla na magkusa sa pag-amin sa kin. Like that day on freedom park.

Kaso, wala uli sa timing. Sablay uli. Tapos, nawala ka.

Alam mo ba kung gano kahirap ma-confine sa ospital habang ang gusto kong gawin ay mag-drive papunta sayo at tanungin ka kung bakit mo sinabing galit ka sa kin? Alam mo ba kung gano kahirap umuwi sa Dad ko at mag-asikaso ng lahat ng bagay habang nag-aalala ako kung bakit ka tahimik?

Kung hindi pa nakita nung mga trolls yung tats ko ng pangalan mo, hindi pa kami magkaalaman kung bakit bigla mo lang akong iniwan. Hindi ko pa nasusuntok si AM dahil injured ako nung nasa ospital. Hindi ko pa rin nasusuntok si JT. Pero nasuntok na sila ni HL para sa kin.

Tapos, pag-uwi ko sa bahay nila HL, nalaman kong alam mo ang nangyari sa kin pero wala pa rin akong narinig mula sayo. Then I saw you at school, nakatambay kay matandang puno and you looked... normal. Habang ako? I was a mess. I missed you. I'm going crazy. But it looked like you're fine.

It tore me apart.

Sabi mo, I'm setting you up. Sabi mo, I'm leading you on. Sabi mo rin, you remain invisible to me.

Mali yung conclusion mo, En.

I know who you are since that day I returned your handkerchief at the lab.