Poems of Mine

i think i miss you and i'm not sure what to do with that

i miss a lot of things about you

your smiles

your warm hugs

your eyes

when they were kind

the car rides

just you and me

and i'm crying now

i can barely see the screen through my tears

god i haven't let myself think about you like this for years

actually i haven't ever really let myself think about you this much

in the six years since i said goodbye

and now i understand why

because it hurts

so fucking much

oh my god

how am i supposed to breathe?

why did you have to be that way?

and hurt me so much

that i had to leave

to save myself?

now i'm broken

and i know i can't ever hear that boisterous laugh again

because seeing you

would be inviting you to hurt me

like every other time

it would be like i was

dragging myself

back to hell

but this missing you is kind of a version of that

wow

i've just come to the realization

that even after all this time

and all of the crimes

you have committed against me

i still freaking love you

you asshole

even though you don't love me

you never really did

or at least

not as much as you loved the power

you had when you were angry

i don't know why i'm thinking of this now

on such a random day

at such a random hour

but the tears are mostly dried by now

and it's almost midnight

i should go to sleep

yeah

we'll see how far that gets me

goodnight

and i don't know why

but i'm sorry