Life With My Brothers Best Friend

Chapter 16

Jackson's POV.

It was stupid. I'm stupid. I'm stupider than a man trying to walk on water. What can I say?

"What are you doing here?" Brittni scowls as I stand by the door with colorful flowers in my hand.

"I - uh - I came to talk," I swallow. "About yesterday."

"What if I don't want to talk?" She questions with the raise of an eyebrow.

"Well then - um - I guess you can just listen," I stutter, my hands becoming clammy from nerves.

Brittni doesn't say anything so I take this as the chance to sit on the couch next to the one she's on.

"I got you some flowers," I attempt to smile, but her stone cold face wipes it right off my lips. I clear my throat, setting the flowers on the coffee table and begin. "I'm sorry."

She nods, looking straight into my eyes with a bored expression. My eyes wander for a minute before settling back on her.

"Aren't you going to say something?" I ask, hopeful.

"I would, if I thought it was worth saying," she purses her lips.

"Brittni, I can't tell you how fucked up my decision to say that was. I'm fucked up. I know that. I've known that since the first time I slept with you after Nathan cheated on you, but I didn't do anything about it. I've been dragging you along a dangerous path that you don't deserve," I take a deep breath. "All this bullshit I put you through isn't fair and I wanted you to have better."

"So what? After eight years of being together you just now decide that I've been put through enough? Like I can just find another guy after all these years?" She scoffs. "You must be really blind, Jackson, I don't know if you've noticed, but I can't be without you. I've tried. You've tried. It never works, yet here you are trying to convince me that you did this for my benefit! I don't understand."

"And you might never, but that's okay. Because I'm willing to do this for you. I've treated you like shit, yet you still want to be with me and I don't understand. How can you love me after it all?" I shake my head.

I've known for years I'm not good enough for her. She deserved better than what I could give, but I held on to her like a spider and its fly. I've been cruel to her on things no one knows, definitely not my sister.

From the moment we first kissed, I knew I wanted her. I knew I was in love with her, but at what cost? She was with a guy that cheated on her, broke her, yet what have I done? I've ruined her beyond repair, and no one knows. No one can see it. I can. I can see the way she looks drained every morning, how she's just tired of being here. I want it to stop.

"I see how exhausted you are with me. You know it yourself, you know you need someone better, and you're still here with me! I want you to have better," I sigh, running a hand over my face.

She laughs. "Jackson, I'm exhausted all the time because I don't understand why you don't want to marry me. I mean, you tell me you want me, that you love me, but you don't want to commit to me. I'm completely in love with you and only you, and I know that I could never love anyone else. I thought you felt the same. I already know I want to be with you for the rest of my life, and I thought that's what you wanted, so why is a ring so scary and different?"

Marriage. Many things wrong with it. I've seen how it ruins people, and I don't want that. And maybe, just maybe, Nikki is right about me being scared because of our parents. It scares me that Brittni could leave me and maybe I want to prevent that. Sue me.

I lean forward, placing my hand on hers. "I want to marry you. God do I want to. I want to call you wife, I want to be with you forever, but what can I give you?"