Grier life

Chapter 62

Sydney's POV

The car ride home was pretty quiet but I liked it because I knew I wasn't strong enough to speak.

Matt parked the car in the driveway and I slowly got out and grabbed my bag walking into the house.

I walked straight upstairs and into my room finding all the pictures ripped up on my floor, just like how I left them this morning.

I threw my bag into the corner of my room and started to pick up all the little pieces of my life that was all just a lie.

None of it was true.. None.. She never cared.. He hates me..I'm a mistake.. Everyone's right..

I started crying again as I thought of everything that has happened these past few months.

My life used to be so easy, everything was simple, I was so strong...

I'm not so strong anymore...

I heard a knock on my door and quickly wiped my tears and took a deep breath.

"Come in!" I yelled as I threw the picture pieces in the trash and shoved the photo book back under my bed.

"Hey buggsie." I heard a very familiar voice say

I quickly looked at the door and saw Will standing there with his arms open.

I smiled and ran over to him embracing him into a hug as I fought back more tears.

"I thought you had school?" I asked relieved yet confused

"You guys are more important to me." He replied as Hayes walked in and sat on my bed, Will and I joining him.

"How are you two holding up?" He asked seriously looking from me to Hayes.

"I've had my share of meltdowns but I'll get over it." I said fake smiling

Will then looked at Hayes who hadn't said a word since we've gotten home.

"I-I, I can't.." Hayes started then broke down into tears.

That broke me. Hayes is always the positive one, he always cheers me up and never shows when he's upset. The only time I've seen him cry was because of me. He's always so strong. Seeing him cry was like a million daggers going straight through my heart as it shattered into pieces.

Will hugged Hayes as I sat there speechless before I hugged Hayes as well tighter than I ever have before.

"I know exactly what we need, wait one second." I said and ran downstairs to the freezer and grabbed the carton of mint chocolate chip ice cream and two spoons.

I ran back upstairs and saw a faint smile on Hayes' face when he saw what I grabbed.

I sat back down next to Hayes and gave him a spoon and opened the carton taking a spoonful for myself as well.

Hayes just stared at the ice cream still with tears rolling down his face, which just continued to break me.

I looked up at Will with watery eyes and he already had concern all over his face.

He pointed at Hayes and I just nodded my head then he left closing the door behind him.

As soon as the door shut Hayes dropped his spoon and practically fell into my arms crying.

I held him tightly while I continued taking deep breaths so I didn't start crying again.

"I-I-I just do-d-don't know w-w-what t-to do an-any-anymore." He said weakly as he cried into my shoulder 

"Just breathe. Okay. You don't have to do this on your own. I'm here. I'm always here." I said reassuringly.

He sighed then pulled away and looked me straight in the eyes with a sad expression.

"I'm supposed to be the strong one. I'm not supposed to break. Im not supposed to shatter.. I'm supposed to be there for you and to help you through everything. I'm supposed to be your big brother who has so fears." He said seriously

"Hayes-" I started

"No. I don't want you to tell me it's okay and I don't want to hear things get better because both you and me know that's not true. This will never go away. We will never be able to forget this or dad or anything. We're never getting rid of any of this. Ever. It will constantly haunt us every time we close our eyes. I'm never going to be okay again Sydney, never..." He said looking at me seriously

I just hugged him again

"I know Hayes, I know. But we will always have each other okay? We will always be able to go through these things with each other and we never have to go through things alone. It's what we do. And just because your my older brother doesn't mean you always need to be strong okay? Sometimes I need a best friend and not an older brother. It's okay to break. Trust me I've been doing a lot of it lately.. But Hayes really you'll always have me and Nash and Will no matter what happens. I promise I'm never going anywhere." I said fighting back tears

He hugged me again and I could tell he was crying again.

"I'm not going anywhere either." He said

As soon as those words came out of his mouth I had visions of his limp body in the hospital.. The doctors shocking him trying to get his heart beating again.. The sight of him dying right in front of me and there was nothing I could do..

My chest tightened at the thought of losing him and a few tears rolled down my face.

"I love you Syd" Hayes said kissing my head

"I love you too Haysie." 

He got up and grabbed his spoon that he dropped on the ground and threw it in the trash then took the one I was holding out of my hand and started eating the ice cream.

I just laughed at him but let him eat because I knew he was okay again.

Hey guys I know it's been FOREVER since I've updated but I've been sooo busy and I'm probably not going to be able to update for a while again soon but once I'm out of school I promise I will have more chapters for you all. Thank you all for the support❤️ love ya all