The Crap Hetalia Book

Hetalia Orphanage Part 2

"Are they here?"

A shout from downstairs sounded shortly after the slamming of the front door. There wasn't an answer and feet pounded on stairs, barging into Lukas and Emil's room.

"Hey" he was tall, really tall with spikey blonde hair and targeting eyes. "I'm Mathias."

"You should knock before you go into other people's rooms you know." A smaller boy with blonde hair and wore a white beret. Behind him was another, also blonde, boy with glasses.

"I did, with my foot" Mathias gestured down to it. "Get off my case."

The smaller boy turned to them and grinned. "I'm Tino, this Berwald" the taller boy grunted. "He doesn't talk much."

"I'm Lukas" Lukas said. "This is my little brother Emil." Emil turned round and glanced over as though he hadn't heard the commotion, nodded and turned back to the window.

"We know" Mathias grinned, grabbing one of his wrists. "And we will be your guides around this hell hole while the rest of the demons are out being demons." He reached over and grabbed Emil's wrist before dragging them out of the room and down the hall. "Okay, it's not really that bad but still."

"He gets really excited at times" Tino jogged beside Lukas, laughing. "All the time really. I've never seen him where he doesn't look like he's taken drugs."

"I don't take drugs" Mathias cried, halting so abruptly that Lukas collided with him. "This is the Baltics. Toris is silent as anything, doesn't say much, even less than Berwald" Berwald grunted. "He's the oldest, and also going out with Feliks at school, who is the very definition of cross-dresser, not that I have anything wrong with it. If you ever have a problem with tech or anything like that, go to Eduard. He's a tech genius. The youngest, Ravis, is a cry baby and I swear he is actually terrified by everyone and everything."

"No, it's just that he's afraid of you because..." Tino started.

"Yeah, yeah" Mathias leaped across the hall and jabbed his thumb at another door. "The Vargas brothers. There are literally no words to describe them. The eldest Lovino, hates people. He acts serious all the time but swears at you if you put a foot over the line and believe me, there isn't much space on either side. Feliciano is the most hyper active kid you will meet, also one of the most useless. Sebastian is... he's alright I guess, weird and he acts his shoe size, not his real age. I swear he stopped aging mentally aged five. All three of them are obsessed with tomatoes and pasta."

"Where is everyone?" Lukas glanced down the stairs which had appeared just to his side.

"Probably detention" Tino grinned. "Or the park. That's the most probably actually. We came back early to introduce you to the place while it's still empty."

"Okay, thanks" Lukas smiled back.

"The eldest Beilschmidt brother is the most self confident person you will ever meet" Mathias had run past the stairs and was pointing at a different door now. "He wrote Gilbert Beilschmidt over the definition of 'awesome' in every dictionary in school last week. Never get in a conversation with Gilbert which involves the word awesome. You will never come out of it. Ludwig is almost twice the size of his older brother and he's strict as anything. We're all make bets on what everyone will end up as when they're older and I bet he'll become some sort of army commander."

"He told me I was going to become Santa and Berwald was going to own Ikea" Tino whispered, laughing.

"The weirdest here though are the Kirklands" Mathias was at another door. "They're the biggest family, five brothers and two cousins, all trapped in the same room. Allistor, the eldest, is fifteen but smokes and drinks constantly. Also, he plays the bagpipes until god knows what time in the morning. Ronan is never really around, always on the roof or something. He does Irish dancing though, and when it's not Allistor's bagpipes or the chanting, it's him dancing. Dylan has a thing about dragons. Arthur keeps trying to 'raise Satan' or other demons like that and Peter is always watching T.V. or on some sort of electronic gadget. He literally can't talk other than in beeps. Alfred and Mathew, the cousins, are twins. Alfred is a bit like Gilbert, only with 'hero' instead of awesome and he eats junk food all, the, time. Mathew is so quiet we often forget that he exists."

"Do you mean to forget about him?" Lukas asked him, frowning slightly.

"No" Tino shook his head. "As he said, he's just so..."

"Silent" Berwald grunted.

"Yeah, silent" Tino nodded.

"The Asians are probably the most sane of all of us. The eldest, Yao is a great cook, Kiku is pretty quiet but can use a sword, Mei has a sharp temper and worries a lot, Leon is actually normal for someone from round here and Yong Soo will touch you."

"And that pretty much sums up the place" Tino said.

"Th'y 'nsane" Berwald muttered.

"Are you insane?" Emil asked, turning to them.

"Depends when and who you're talking about" Tino said, glancing quickly at Mathias who was peering out of the window in shock.

"Damn it, you're screwed" he said. "They're back early. Ready to meet the others?"