The Crap Hetalia Book

Living with Neko - America and Canada

Okay, so this was just an idea that I got whilst reading a load of Nekotalia headcanons. I laughed at most of them and started to imagine the nations actually living with the cats and thought 'hey why not?'. Please comment, vote, tell me if they're alright. I'm not quite sure what to make of them.

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I woke up to darkness and fluff. A thin sliver of light shifted past the hair and I sat up. There was a yelp and Americat landed on my legs. He hissed and ran off.

"Serves you right Clark Kent" I shouted and sighed. I find that Clark Kent and him have a lot in common. They're both a right pain in the ass but everyone seems to love them. It's annoying as hell.

Americat was sitting at the top of the stairs, waiting for me and pawing at the carpet, which kept getting stuck in his claws and being yanked up a bit. No wonder my carpet is in such a state.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah" I said, going down the stairs and into the kitchen. He charged in after me, forgetting about the newly tiled floor and skidded across the entire length of the room before crashing into the wall and collapsing. I laughed, trying to hide it in the cupboard as I got out the food. Then he was on my shoulder. He does that, just casually climbs up people and sits on their shoulders. But seriously, it hurts like hell when you're not wearing anything. I put out the food and watched as he ate. It was more than last time, but as usual, he finished it off like it was nothing.

"Seriously dude, I don't know how you're not fat already"

"Says you" Mathew walked in behind me, rubbing his eye with one hand, the other cradling Catnada, who purred contently, chewing his toy polar bear.

"Hey" I said. "That's not fair."

He shrugs and I wander over to the cupboard to drag over toaster pancakes. They're no where near as good as Mattie's, but I'm hungry and can't be bothered to wait.

"Aren't you meant to be on a diet?" Mathew raised an eyebrow and set Catnada down on the table. "Both of you?"

"Crap" I slap my forehead. "Americat, why didn't you warn me?"

Americat looks up and glares, food stuck to his face, his cheeks puffed out and crammed with food.

"Don't blame the cat" Mathew laughs. "I'm guessing you're stopping this one too?" I nod sheepishly. "You were never going to hold off long today anyway. Tonight is Halloween after all."

"Is it?" I run over to the calendar and peer at it over the top of my glasses. I'm long sighted so struggle seeing things up close. Mattie's okay. He can see stuff up close with and without his glasses but can't see stuff far away without them. "It is. This is going to be totally rad."

Later...

I pull on a ripped orange coat with green tails and put my psycho mask on top of my head. This is definitely the best costume I've done so far, especially seeing as we're not meeting up with anyone today, and I can have a real chainsaw. I pull the chord and it makes a whirring noise. Americat hisses, arching his back and crouches as though to pounce.

"No dude, you don't want to jump at this" I laugh, turning it off. "It'd kill you." I pick up my phone and lift it up to take a photo of the outfit. As my thumb hits the take button, there's a flash of white and grey. "Damn it, why'd you always have to ruin my selfies Clark?"

Americat sits down and carefully washes one paw as though nothing every happened. I sigh. He always does that. Every single selfie I take, he's always there either photobombing or just plain ruining it. Even when I think he's asleep.