The Crap Hetalia Book

Living with Neko - Veneziano and Romano

Lovino woke up groggily and sat up, blearily staring around. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted the brown and white European short-hair stood at the window, hissing and clawing at the glass. He peered forwards, squinting at the cat. Outside, there was a dog, staring in through the window looking slightly startled at the cat, busy declaring war on him. Romanocat often picked fights with dogs through the windows, but was always too scared to actually do so.

"Fratello?"

Lovino growled, threw back the covers and stormed downstairs. Feliciano was stood in the kitchen, frowning at an empty plate. Itabby was delicately licking one paw, a slight red stain around his mouth.

"Fratello, did you take my pasta?" Feliciano frowned at him, holding up the plate. "Did you?"

"I've been upstairs this whole time stupid bastardo" Lovino grumbled. "It was your stupid cat."

Feliciano's frown deepened and he stared at Itabby before looking back to Lovino. "No he hasn't Itabby wouldn't do anything like that."

Lovino rolled his eyes and stomped off back upstairs, Romanocat following slightly grudgingly.

"Fratello is such an idiot" he muttered to the cat who made a sound that could have been a grunt. Lovino shoved his hands in his pocket and opened his door with his foot, accidentally kicking it too hard so it slammed into the wall behind. Downstairs, there was a yelp.

"Fratello, stop it please" Feliciano shouted up. "You know Itabby doesn't like loud noises."

Lovino didn't respond so Feliciano went back to cooing over the cat, still completely unaware of it having eaten his pasta. Carefully, Feliciano placed Itabby on the kitchen table and turned back to start making pasta again. There was a thud and he whipped round. Itabby was coiled on the ground like a spring about to snap back after someone had pressed it down.

Feliciano bit his lip, trying to hold back a laugh but failed miserably. The stairs sounded and Lovino burst in.

"What? You were... damn fratello. You were laughing?" Lovino grumbled. "I thought you were screaming or something." He caught sight of Itabby, who was slowly getting to his feet, and smirked. "Cat fall off something again? How many times is that this week already? Seventeen? It's Wednesday for God's sake." He stormed out again.

Feliciano smothered his laugh. "Oh fratello" he called, going back to making pasta. "Antonio is coming round in a minute."

"Why is that damn bastardo coming round?" Lovino snapped, coming back into the kitchen.

"Aw come on" Feliciano smirked at him. "You love him really."

"What? N... no..." Lovino spluttered, turning red.

"You do!" Feliciano shouted, making Itabby yelp and Romanocat come charging down the stairs into the kitchen hissing. "You love him."

"Th... that's not true idiota, and you know it" Lovino muttered.

"He does" Feliciano said as Romanocat came and sat on the surface next to him. He reached over to stroke him but stopped when the cat hissed and snapped as though to bite him. "Lovino, why does your cat always try to bite me?"

"Probably because he likes you as little as I do at the moment" Lovino grumbled.

"Aw fratello" Feliciano pouted and hugged Lovino. "Stop being moody."

"Will you stop it with your hug therapy" Lovino snapped, wriggling free and leaving again.

"He does" Feliciano whispered, smiling into his pasta the second Lovino's footsteps faded. Itabby meowed in agreement and jumped up onto the surface where Romanocat, who had followed Lovino out, had been sitting. Well... he misjudged the jump a little and ended up slamming into the wall. Feliciano yelped, dropping the wooden spoon and picking up his cat, cradling him. "I wish you'd stop doing that Itabby. One day you'll really hurt yourself."

Itabby purred. From outside there was a crash. Feliciano peered out of the window to see a cat like Romanocat, but slightly lighter and with a collar with a small cross, on it hiding in between the rubbish of two pushed over bins, ready to pounce on a butterfly that had landed on a bush. Behind it, Antonio looked despairing.

"Ciao Antonio" Feliciano said, coming outside.

"Hola Feli" Antonio scooped up the cat who whined and stretched out to the butterfly which delicately flapped it's wings in an almost taunting way.

He stepped inside the house, still clutching Spaincat, who was still whining and stretching over his shoulder, trying to get to the butterfly which had long since gone.

"Jerk bastard" Lovino groaned, flicking a rubber band at him from where he lay on the sofa. Spaincat instantly lost interest in the butterfly, escaped Antonio and charged after the band, vanishing into the kitchen.

"Hola Lovi" Antonio said, smiling. "You really should be nicer to people you know?"

Lovino grunted and turned away.

"He's just in a mood at the moment" Feliciano pursed his lips together and wandered after Spaincat.

Lovino sighed and flicked the television on. Romanocat twitched an ear and looked up from where he was curled on top of the bookcase. He jumped down and padded over to the screen, sitting in front of it for a split second before starting to paw at the screen.

"What is it with your cat?" Antonio sat down on the sofa. "Whenever the set is on, he's always there trying to... I don't know, play with people."

Lovino shrugged. "How should I know jerk bastard. I'm not a cat."

"No" Antonio nodded. "But I'm sure if you talked to Vladimir..."

"I don't want to be a cat" Lovino snapped.

"Who wants to be a cat?" Feliciano came in with a tray of pasta.

"Shut up stupid fratello" Lovino muttered, reaching out for a plate from the tray.

A grin twitched at the corners of Antonio's mouth as he picked up a plate too, thanking Feliciano. Spaincat appeared out of no where, sitting behind Lovino just out of sight. In one movement, he swiped half the plate on the floor and leapt over Lovino's shoulder, starting to eat what he'd knocked over.

"Stupid cat" Lovino hissed. "Toni, your cat is eating my pasta. Why does it always eat my pasta? Why not Feliciano's or yours?"

Antonio snorted. Itabby jumped up onto his lap and he moved the plate of pasta over the cat's head. Itabby stretched out, jabbing his claws into the couch and then unpicking them, before doing the whole thing again, then scratching it.

"Itabby stop it" Feliciano pried his claws out of the red material. Itabby meowed in protest but hopped down. Antonio reached across Lovino and grabbed the remote, accidentally elbowing him on his way.

"Watch it you jerk bastard" Lovino snapped, hitting him and then frowning at the remote.

"Book of Life?" Antonio asked, grinning and flipping onto Netflix.