Deep in the Meadow

|8| first torture

The torturer clamps me down on the table, while the other raises the table up to a comfortable height.

I realize I'm shaking. Terror overwhelms me. I have to be strong. No matter what they do, I'm NEVER telling them where my kids are. If I do, Willow and Rye might have to go through this. And I can't let that happen. I'll defend them and Peeta with my life. Even if it takes my life.

"Test 1." Another woman's voice says. The mask over me mouth makes it sound weird.
"Receive Weak miasma shot." She orders.

I watch, trying not to express fear knowing that it only encourages West. One torturer gets a shot from the desk top, and hands it to the man in front of me. They immediately start to blend more concoctions and pour them into various sized shots, and even dip a knife in one of the liquids.

The man walks to my side and I try to squirm away. The clamps are too tight though and I can't go anywhere.

His eyes show sympathy as he leans down and presses the shot into my side. I don't know why he looks sympathetic. It doesn't make sense.
I clench my hands into fists and hold in the scream as it try's to escape my lips. I feel the hot liquid from the shot enter my blood stream from my side. It burns inside of me and spreads to only the left side of my body. The left of my head, and my left leg soon start to burn along with my left side, and I feel like I'm going to split apart from the temperature differences on the two sides of my body.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I try to block out the pain but it's impossible. The burning is excruciating.

"Knife." The man commands. I'm in burning pain.

It's not until then I take in what he said. Knife. He's going to cut me. Oh no.

I want to scream but I don't want to pleasure West.
I remember what he told me about Peeta. How whatever they did to him, he wouldn't tell them what my weakness was. Of course he knew that my weakness was the loss of the people I love, but he didn't tell anyways. He stayed strong to protect me. So I have to stay strong and protect him and his children. No matter what.

The man examines my side and finds a spot on my arm. I try to retract it involuntarily, but it doesn't do anything because of the straps holding me in place.

Looking away, I stare at the empty wall. I can't stand to look at another torturer.
I yelp quietly when I feel the knife slice the tender, burning skin of my forearm. The burning increases and feels like an inferno erupting in my arm. Ten times worse then the feeling the shot brought to my left side. That must of been the knife that was dipped in the liquid stuff.

This time I do scream. It's quick and short. But I immediately regret it. The torturer retracts the knife and hands it back to someone behind him. In return, they hand him another shot.

I turn my head the other direction trying anything to stop the burning. I grit my teeth and stare out the glass now facing the opposite direction. The torturer injects the shot into my side in the same place the burning shot entered. I tense up waiting for the terrible burning to increase but it doesn't. This time it's cold. Like ice. It starts at my side like the burning one did, then spreads to the rest of the left side. It's like half my body is frozen into an ice burg while the other half is fine. My eyes seek for something to train on so I can focus on that instead of the pain.

I look out the window and meet the gaze of West watching. He is still smiling. The pain in me is overbearingly exciting for him. I squint my eyes as the coldness turns to frostbite cold.

Loosing control of the left side, it shakes without involuntarily. It feels like my left ear is going to freeze off along with my arm.
For a second I think it does and I take a sharp intake of air when my hearing goes blurry.

"Let's try the limp miasma." The mans voice wavers.

Immediately another shot is in his hand and I squeal through the uncontrollable shaking of my left side.

stay strong

He injects it in my arm and I'm glad it's not through my side again.

My left side falls limp. All of it. Even the left side of my head. The only left part of my body untouched is my brain. And I'm guessing since that side of the brain controls my speech, they don't want to affect it incase I want to tell them information.

Pins and needles feel like they are intruding my skin, but it's only the limpness kicking in.

"Ready to tell us anything yet Katniss?" I hear a disgusting voice say. West. He must of entered the room but the ringing in my ears muffled the noise.

I stay quiet. I don't want him to hear the shakiness in my voice.

"Shall we continue with the next step Thaumaturge West? We just used the limp miasma on her left side, now we are prepared for the bolt shocking. She's sure to talk then." The torturing man in front of me requests. But then he retracted the offer by saying,
"Or maybe we can save that for another time." The man looks away as if ashamed. I can't wrap my head around the fact that there is something fishy about these workers. They don't like West and what he's doing. I can see and hear it in everything they do. Or at least these workers are like that. I'm not sure about the others that came.

A shiver runs down my spine at the sound of "bolt shocking".

"I think....." West says pondering on the thought.

I lie there unless. Not able to fight back, or even make a sound without pleasuring West.
"I think that we should save the bolts for later." A few of the six torturers in the room let out a breath.
"This is just the first day. She's sure to talk when we actually do painful torturing. Let's not harm mommy Katniss too much today." West mocks. I hate that nickname. I am a mom and he knows it. But he should also know I'm not telling him where my kids are.

I'm just glad the torturing is done for today. I thought it was painful enough. But apparently it was nothing compared to what's to come.

"Yes master. She will be returned to her cell then." The man that was talking earlier says.

West nods.
"Ok. Bring her some thing to eat too. She needs strength if she's going to be providing information." West smiles then winks at me. I turn my head away disgusted, and West leaves the room. I watch him walk to the training room all the way on the opposite side of the gym.

"You heard Thaumaturge West. Get her to her cell. You two. Get her food." The man barks. They all listen attentively. I get unclamped and lead to my cell by two tortures. They lock me in and with a slam, they close the bared door and a tray of food gets thrown in.

When I'm alone, I take a look at the food hungrily knowing I haven't eaten in a day or so.
A slice of bread lays on the tray with some cut up carrots. I try to resist it, but I can't. I finish the food within a minute only being able to use my right side, and the right side of my mouth. The pins and needles feeling is still around.

Then I pull myself up with all the strength in the right side of my body, and lay on the table letting the limpness wear off.

I'm dreading tomorrow but I guess I will be for now on. I can't help but wonder if Peeta has a plan to rescue me. I don't want him to put himself in danger, but I do want to save my family. Not to mention Panem. What am I going to do?

At least the mutts haven't left the Capitol yet to kill. When they do, I'll defiantly be in trouble. That's when I have to start to make smart choices as to what I tell them. I can't save everyone, even though I want to.

Telling them where my kids are equals saving the districts but killing my family.
Telling them where Peeta is equals killing Peeta and me and most likely the districts.
Not telling them anything equals killing me and the districts.

There really is no good outcome.

I guess all that's left to do is go to sleep. I can't do everything in one night. I'm sure I'll think of something. Probably not, but I hope. If I do, it better be before the mutts leave. Because if I don't figure something out before then, the Capitol's rebellion will start to get bloody.