The Journey - The College Years [One Direction Fanfic]

14

The words keep echoing in my head. I want to speak but I can't. "Stay right here, okay? Don't move" Emma tells me and rushes inside to get Lucy and Vanessa. They come outside and look at me. Lucy grabs my arm and pulls me towards the car. I get inside and Lucy sits down next to me. When I finally get my voice back I start to say something inapprehensible. "Didn't you check your phone?" Emma asks me and I shake my head. I pull my phone out of my pocket. Nineteen missed calls. Niall. Oh god. "It's all my fault, isn't it?" I stutter. "No, no it's not" Vanessa says and I can hear her voice crack. I want to cry but I can't. I feel so empty. I feel like I'm part of a movie. Or a dream. This is everything but real to me. 

When we get to the hospital Lucy pulls me out of the car and we walk inside while Emma and Vanessa look for a parking spot. A nurse guides us to the room Harry is laying in and I see Niall, Louis and Anne in front of the door. Anne is crying whilst Louis is hugging her. "Linds, oh my god" Niall whispers as he walks up to me and hugs me. I feel isolated from everything that's going on. I am so numb. "I want to see him" I stutter. "You can't. None of us can. Not yet" Niall says. I am glad that he is here, I don't know what I would do without him. We soon are joined by Emma and Vanessa who also called Zayn. "What are they doing to him in there?" I ask getting louder. "They are saving him" Niall answers quietly and wraps his arm around me in an attempt to calm me down. I slip out of his hug and step away. This is all my fault. I am the one that did this to him, I think to myself and that's when I finally get my feelings back. The tears start streaming down my face, I'm sobbing like an idiot. I can only imagine how Anne must feel. Her son tried to kill himself. Because of me. She must hate me. I give her a desperate look and she opens her arms so I lean in to hug her. After what feels like hours we let go of each other and sit down and wait. An hour later Harry's father arrives. I have never seen him before but he seems like a nice guy. He is holding back tears and tries to stay calm. No one is talking and I feel like shit. The others start to leave, I can't blame. I am tired and exhausted myself but there's no way in hell I'm leaving this place right now. Eventually a nurse comes up to us and tells us that the doctors are doing their best. "Yeah, that's what everyone says. I'd like to know how he is doing" Anne snaps. Thank god someone says what's on my mind. "He is still in coma but we pumped his stomach, hopefully everything will go well and he'll be awake in a few days." Anne let out a breath even though the news weren't really satisfying. Des, Harrys father tries to stay calm but it's obvious he is upset and scared. Harry never really talked about him and I didn't ask but it seems like Des really loves Harry. At about six a.m. Anne gets tired and falls asleep on a chair in front of the door. "I know what you're thinking" Des suddenly says. "I bet you're wondering where I have been all the time." I nod. "When Anne and I got divorced I moved to Leeds for work and met my new girlfriend there. But Harry and I have been talking a lot. About you, too" he says. "Really?" I ask. He nods. "I feel like this is all my fault. I left for university and he was alone with all his problems" I admit. "Don't blame yourself. You had to go to university, it's your future. You didn't ruin him, in fact you were the reason he stood strong for so long" he tells me and I feel my eyes tear up. "I highly doubt that" I whisper and wipe away the tear that's rolling down my cheek. "The last time we talked he was upset because he was missing you and I asked him to tell me about you and he said 'Dad, I can't describe my feelings for her. She is… unbelievable. She is the only source of positivity in my life. But she is too good for me.'" That's when I can't hold the tears back anymore. "Lindsay, he is going to be okay" Des tells me. "What makes you so sure?" I ask. "I know my son and I know that he is a fighter." 

When I wake up a few hours later my back is hurting like hell from the hard bench I've been sleeping on. I check my phone. 11 a.m. I decide to give my mother a call when. "Lindsay, thank god. I've been calling you all night!" she babbles. "I'm at the hospital. Harry.. he.." I can't finish the sentence but my mother seems to understand. "Oh no… Sweetie, I'll be over in a few minutes" she says but I interrupt her. "No, I'm coming over. I have to pack a few things so I can spend the night here." "Okay" she says and hangs up the phone. I check my messages. 

'how's it going?' - Liam

'Called you four times yesterday, what's wrong??' - Spencer

I decide to drive to university today to talk to everyone about me dropping out. I have to. "I have a few things to do, I'll be back this evening" I tell Anne and Des before leaving. When I get home my mother hugs me for what feels like hours before forcing me to eat breakfast. "I have to drive to the Stevens today. I'll get my stuff out of my room and talk to the professors" I tell her with a shaking voice. "I'll do all that paperwork for you, you just get your stuff and say goodbye to your friends" my mother says and I give her a grateful smile. I can't concentrate on anything besides Harry and I just want to go back to the hospital as soon as possible. "Do you want me to drive you to campus?" Mom asks and I nod. "Alright. Let's go" she says. 

I can't believe I'm doing this, I think to myself on my way to the Stevens university. I don't know what I am going to tell Spencer and Liam. And Joey, I will miss him. I'll probably even miss Cole even though we never really were friends. When we get to campus I take a deep breath before getting out of the car. "I'll talk your profs and everyone else, let's meet right here in two hours, yeah?" my mother says and I nod. I can't think clear with everything going on. The walk to my room seems longer than usual. When I finally get to the door my knock is answered by a loud bark. Liam opens the door and sighs in relief when he sees me. "Lindsay, thank god!" he says as he engulfs me in a tight hug. Spencer stands up from the bed and walks up to me. "What happened?" she asks as soon as she sees me. I look like a mess. I sit down on my bed and stare at the ceiling to prevent the tears from falling down. "Harry attempted suicide yesterday" I say and get chills at the sound of the sentence. Spencer gasps. "Fortunately his mother found him. He's at the hospital right now and I hope he'll be okay." "Oh my god, I'm so sorry" Liam says and sits down next to me. "Don't be. I am sorry because.. well. I decided to leave Stevens. I have to be with Harry now, he needs me. I am moving out" I state and look at Spencer. Her eyes are glossy but she seems to understand my decision. "I will miss you so much" she says and stands up to hug me. "I will miss you, too. Well, I should probably pack my stuff now" I say. They both nod and help me pack everything. "What about one last Vanilla Latte?" Liam asks smiling. "Sounds lovely." We take the boxes filled with my stuff to the car before walking back to the cafe and getting three Vanilla Lattes. When we sit down at a table near the window I see a familiar face walk up to the cafe. Joey. "Lindsay! Haven't seen your lovely face in a while!" he says and hugs me. His comment actually makes me smile even though I'm so sad. "And you won't anymore" I say. "I am leaving uni." "Oh hell no" he says and his face falls. He seems to understand something bad happened because he stays calm. "Well, I hope you'll be alright. Just don't forget about us, yeah?" he asks and I nod. "I would never."