The Journey - The College Years [One Direction Fanfic]

15

On our way back to the hospital my mother and I don't talk much. I feel like my heart was ripped out and broken into pieces. "Do you want me to come with you?" my mother asks when we pull up in front of the hospital. I shake my head. She nods. "Call me if you need something" she says and hands me the bag with my stuff. "Thanks, mom. I love you" I say before getting out of the car. I walk straight to Harrys room. Anne is sitting on the bench outside the room. She stands up and hugs me. "How is he doing?" I ask. "Well, nothing has changed so far. Des is inside right now. You can go inside, if you want to." "Did you go inside?" I ask her. She shakes her head. "I can't. I want to. But I can't." I understand her. I was scared of seeing my boyfriends lifeless body, too. Des comes out a few minutes later, he is crying. "I'll step outside for a minute" he tells us and leaves. I decide to go inside. I want to see him. I feel like it has been weeks since I've last seen him and it kills me. I take a deep breath before opening the door and stepping inside. There he is, laying on the bed with a blanket over his skinny and pale body. His face doesn't show any emotion. I burst out in tears as soon as I see him. I sit down on the chair next to his bed and grab ahold of his light hand. "I love you" is all I manage to say. I want to lay down next to him and kiss his cheek, I want him to hum songs in my ear and play with my hair. But it won't happen, because I am the reason he nearly died. I sucked all the life out of him. I made him happy, but I also broke him. And for that, I will never forgive myself.

An hour later I leave the room. Niall and Louis are standing outside. "Linds, hey" Niall says quietly and leans in to hug me. I answer his hug by leaning my head against his head. Louis rubs my back and for once in the past few hours, I feel okay. "Do you want to eat something?" Louis asks me. I nod. "Let's go then" he says and we start walking to the hospital's cafeteria. After getting pasta and coffee we sit down at an empty table. The cafeteria is full of sad looking people. Relatives of the sick people, I guess. I know Louis wants to talk to me but he doesn't know what to say so I just give him a smile. "Thanks for coming" I say. "Oh, no worries." He is such a sweet guy. "Niall really worried about you" he tells me. "About me? Why?" "Because you were so.. sad. And he really cares for you. I don't know if I would be with Niall right now if you weren't there." "Oh, I didn't really do anything" I say because I really didn't. "Yes, you did. That's the thing with you, Lindsay. You always help people but you don't even know you do" he says. I can't help but smile even though I'm in a really bad place right now. I suddenly hear someones footsteps behind me. I turn around to see Niall running up to us. "Guys, come with me. Quick, Harry woke up!" As soon as he says that I am on my feet running towards Harrys room. "The doctors are inside there right now to make sure he's okay, we have to wait a few minutes" Des tells me and I nod but my impatience is killing me. I pace the hallway up and down whilst waiting for the doctor to come out and tell us Harry is fine. But minutes turn out to be hours and so we wait and wait and wait. 

Two hours later the doctor finally comes out of the room. Anne, Des and I immediately jump off our seats and walk up to the doctor. "Harry is awake now, but he is really exhausted from all the medication, so please be gentle and don't talk about heavy topics that might cause a headache" he tells us. Anne and Des go inside first. I wait outside sitting in between of Niall and Louis who have bright smiles on their faces. I feel so relieved. When it's finally my turn to go inside my hands are sweaty and my knees are shaking. I close the door behind me and look at Harry. He looks tired as hell but he's not so pale anymore. He tilts his head to the side and looks at me. I missed the way his green orbs stare into my soul. "Hey" I softly say and sit down next to him. "Hey" his voice cracks. I have been waiting for this since the moment I heard that he attempted suicide and now I don't know what to say. "I am so sorry, Harry" I say. I know the doctor told me to not mention this kinda stuff but I can't hold it to myself. "Don't be" he says. "My fault." He will never stop blaming himself, I know that. I just wish he knew what a wonderful person he is. "I love you, I love you so much" I sob. He remains silent for a few minutes, he seems really exhausted. When he finally speaks up his voice gives me chill. But the good kind of chills. "Kiss me" his raspy voice booms trough the room. I stand up and bend over him. I look into his eyes for a few seconds before gently placing my lips on his. He is almost too tired to pucker his lips. It feels strange, almost foreign. But I enjoy the feeling of his plump lips on mine. When I let go of him a grin appears on his face. "I dropped out of university" I finally say. "Oh" he mumbles. "Because of me?" "Mostly, yes. But please don't feel bad. I wasn't happy there anyways" I tell him and mean it. "Okay" he says. "Harry?" "Yeah?" "I want you to see a therapist" I say. He really needs help. He doesn't say anything but I know his parents want him to, too, so he will have to. I know forcing him to do it is not the best idea but I do it because I care about him. "Linds" he says and I smile. I missed hearing him call me Linds. "I am sorry. I thought running away from my problems would be a solution. It wasn't. I am so sorry" he sobs. I see tears roll down his cheeks. "I'm here now. I won't ever go away again. It's gonna be fine" I whisper as I kiss the tears away. The nurse comes inside to check on Harry and tell him he can leave the next morning but has to stay in bed for a few days. I leave the room to talk to Louis and Niall when I see Vanessa, Emma, Lucy and Zayn standing next to them. I hug everyone and tell them that he is fine and will go home soon. Everyone sighs in relief. I check my phone to text my mother when it suddenly rings. It's my father. I hesitate but finally answer the call. "Hey" I say. "Hello, Lindsay. I talked to your mother yesterday" he says. Why would he? "She told me what happened. I just want you to know that if you need me, I will always be there for you." I almost hear sadness in his voice. I think about screaming at him and asking him why he left and now acts like he'd never been gone but I don't. Life is precious and I don't know what I would do if Harry didn't fail his attempt. You always realize what you had when it's gone. "Thanks dad" I say. "You know what? We should meet up sometime." "What? Are you serious?" he asks surprised. "Yes, I am." "That would be great! We could get lunch and talk about everything and watch a movie!" he babbles. I laugh. "I will call you as soon things are back to normal again, you know.. with everything going on right now.." "Of course, yeah. Call me whenever you want!" "I will. Bye, dad" I say. "Goodbye, Lindsay." 

When I go back to Harrys room he is asleep. "We're taking him home tonight!" Anne cheers and hugs me. After signing thousands of contracts and papers the nurse tells Anne that Harry can leave as soon as he wakes up. She suggests to make him see a therapist which Anne and Des strongly agree to. I feel someones hand on my shoulder. I turn around to face Zayn. "How are you?" he asks. "Fine. Tired, but fine" I answer. He gives me a smile. "That's good. Well, I'll leave now. See you around, yeah? Oh and, I am moving in with Perrie. She told me she'd love to have you over for dinner sometime" he says. "Okay, I will come around. I'm so happy for you" I say and hug him goodbye. The others start to leave, too.