Death Wish

Chapter 3: Second Chances

I sniffle as I'm snapped out of my thoughts. My nightmare usually ends up there, but it's usually not a vivid as today. I guess I need the distraction. My cheeks are wet and my hands are soaked from their position in my lap. A twig snaps behind me and I whirl around. Lorenzo.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was worried about you. After you got off the bus, I followed you and you didn't seem to notice. You've been sitting on the rock for thirty minutes, not doing anything. Are you okay?"

"Seriously? You're stalking me now? What's wrong with you?" I snap, my temper coming back. I get off the rock to stand in front of him.

"I'm sorry. I was concerned," he says, grabbing my arm.

"Let go," I reply murderously.

He releases me and steps back. I turn and sprint away. I don't know where to go, I just want away from him and the world. I sprint until I'm gasping for air. I take in ragged breaths, trying to calm my racing heart and my legs give out under me. I sit on the ground digging my fingers in the dirt. I let myself get lost again.

My survival was a shock to me and the doctors. It didn't make sense. I shouldn't have survived. My side was hit first. I should've died in the crash. It just didn't make sense! How did I get to live and no one else did? My parents died when we were hit and my siblings died on the operating table. How did I live? The other members of my family should have survived. They were sitting in safer places than I was. Everyone kept telling me it was a miracle. It was the universe giving me a second chance. I didn't want a second chance. I wanted to die with my family. I would rather die than go on without my family. I would never see Kol's smirk again as he saw me make a fool of myself in public because of my clumsiness or never hear Brietta's squeal as she came up with another idea for her fashion design business or celebrate our birthday together again. I would never see my parents hold hands, never have a family barbecue again, never see my brother or sister grow up or care for my ailing parents ever. All because I killed them. It's my fault they died and I have to carry that with me the rest of my life.

My entire family was dead. I was all alone in this world. I had no one. I didn't want that. I wanted to give up. Like I did in the crash. I wanted to give myself up to the darkness, but no matter how hard I looked, it wasn't there. I wanted so badly to die. I couldn't take life anymore. I felt something sharp poke me and realized that my hands had dug into the dirt and finding nowhere else to go they went into my palms. I brushed away the dirt and looked at the blood coming from my bruises. It ran down my hand and I stared at it until it all blurred together to make my hands completely red. I screamed in pain and frustration and grief. I was in too much pain to get up. Maybe I would starve out here. Let me do that. I wanted to feel my stomach turn over itself, trying to find food. I wanted to feel my body weaken and eventually stop altogether. I fell asleep in hopes of never waking up.

___
A/N
Pictured: The rusty knife Linnea cut herself with.

Are there any plot holes? Or switches between verb tenses? I go back and edit ever so often, but I miss things and I'd like help. Thanks!

Remember: constructive criticism is always appreciated!