Death Wish

Chapter 30: The Gift of Life

I walk down to the living room when I wake up and see Zaquen, Quinden, Myklyn, and Lorenzo waiting for me. Plopping into Lorenzo's lap on an armchair, I feel his arms wrap around me. I know they want explanations and I know I'm expected to give them.

Taking a deep breath, I tell them everything. About the accident, my guilt, my death wish, why I left, Thibault and his verbal and physical assault, and the inheritance. When I finish, everyone except Lorenzo stares at me. Myklyn knew most of what I told her except the part about me wanting to die.

"You really wanted to die?" Zaquen asks, looking like I kicked his puppy.

There was disappointment in his eyes and also anger and betrayal. I nod and look at the ground, avoiding his eyes. He gets up and leaves the house with a slam of the door. I wince and turn Quinden.

"What do you want me to say, Linnea? That it was alright to want to kill yourself and actually attempt to? That it was your fault they died? I want to comfort you, but I can't. You would've taken yourself from our lives without a second thought about how we felt. But you have to know that what happened wasn't your fault. A car accident is an accident for a reason. It didn't happen on purpose."

I give a small nod and continue my staring contest with the floor.

"Hey, I'm not mad at you, but I am confused. I need to work it out and then maybe we can talk more," Quinden says softly as he gets up to leave to his room.

"And Linnea," Myklyn speaks up, "never think you should have died. You lived and got a second chance. Your family wasn't as lucky as you. Don't throw away what your family have to you. The gift of life. Please don't try to leave us again."

When she leaves, I turn to Lorenzo and ask him, "What do you think?"

"I think that they're right. It wasn't your fault they died. It was an accident. Accidents happen. But we live through it and push through the the pain. We live, Linnea. Please didn't try to take your life away. Please," Lorenzo begs.

I look at him and say, "I think I'm getting over it. I know I was gifted with life and I've been treating it terribly. I'm not going to anymore. I found a reason for living. You."

He smiles and wraps his arms around me. He puts his head on top of mine and we look out the floor length window to the backyard.

"You know, you're the best girlfriend anyone could have."

...

It's the last day of winter break and Zaquen and Quinden's are about to leave.

"Do you have to go?" I whine.

"You know we have to, I can barely keep up with the company when I'm not in the office," Quinden says.

"Fine, but you have to promise to visit."

"I swear on Zaquen's life. Speaking of which, where is my son?"

Quinden had sat me down earlier that day and told me that he had figured out what I was going through.

"Can we talk, Linnea?" He had asked.

I nodded and he led us to the sitting room doused in sunlight.

"I understand what you were going through. With Thibault telling you that you had killed your family and your survivors guilt, I understand. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I know you thought that dying would be better because you had no one, but you didn't. You had us. I know we lost touch after the funeral and I am sorry, but I would've been there for you in a second. You're like the daughter I never had. I would do anything for you. Please don't take your life because you think you have nothing. You have so many people who care for you. You have so much to live for," Quinden said.