Talking To The Moon [z.m.]

3: Why Don't You Love Me

The little boy screamed, leaving me standing terrified, not knowing what to do until his mother quickly ran to his side in a black t-shirt and jeans.

"Sh, it's okay baby." She pulled him into her arms, him immediately wrapping his around her neck while she rubbed his back.

Meanwhile I was still standing in the kitchen, appalled by what just happened.

Faith soothed him before looking up at me with an emotionless expression on her face. What just happened?

"Are you okay, now?" She asked him after he let go of her.

He turned his head to my direction and had that frightened look on his face again. One second later, he jumped into her arms again. What's the matter with him?

"Alex, what's wrong?" She asked him quietly while rubbing his back.

"H-him." He spoke in a shaky voice.

Faith looked at me again before pulling him away to look at him face to face. "What's wrong with him?"

"He's," he was starting to cry. "He's the one in my nightmares, mummy. He's the bad guy who took you away from me."

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After he calmed down, he and Faith sat on the couch with me sitting opposite of them.

It's been quiet and quite awkward after Faith managed to calm him down. All we did now was stare at each other.

He was sitting on Faith's lap, staring at me with confusion while Faith showed concern and me, I just didn't know what was going on.

"Stop shaking." She whispered to him. "I already told you, he's not going to take me away nor hurt us." She looked at me as if to ask if what she just said was true or not.

Does she think I would hurt her and my own son?

"Promise?" He looked up at her with glowing brown eyes. He had her vulnerable side, definitely.

"Promise." She smiled down at him and twisted her pinky with his small one.

This is the thing I wanted. The trust between them. I wanted that with both of them. Having their trust in me and mine in them.

Faith had assured him over and over that I wasn't going to do anything to either of them.

"Who is he?"

That question made Faith and I freeze. Were we going to tell him now?

"I, um," Faith tried to say. "He's someone close to me."

What?

"Then why aren't you being close with him like you are with uncle Louis and uncle Harry?" He asked.

What does he mean by that?

"It's hard to explain, Alex." No, it really isn't. We dated, got married, made you, and then I went to jail. It's that simple. Then again, he's too young to understand. Especially when he finds out his dad went to jail.


"Why?" The little boy pushed for an answer.

"Can you go get your backpack and get changed please?" She spoke quickly, hoping that he wouldn't keep pushing on the subject.

Alex nodded and headed out of the living room and into his room, following her pleas.

"What was that about?" I immediately said when he was out of sight. I stood up, standing my ground.

"I'm sorry, I panicked." She put her face into her hands.

"Yeah, I could tell, but that didn't mean you had to avoid telling him he's my son."

"Sh, he'll hear you."

"Good, he can know. I'll go tell him right now." I began walking to his bedroom but she stopped me by grabbing my arm.

"Please don't." She looked at me with pleading eyes. "I'll tell him tonight, I promise. Just not now."

"Why not now?"

"Because, I just need to figure out how I'm going to tell him." I was about to protest but she stopped me again. "Please, I promise I'll tell him tonight."

I looked at the way she looked back at me. She looked vulnerable. I've seen her like this so many times when she'd beg me to stay with her. Except now she looked like she was at a breaking point and she wasn't doing this for herself, she was doing it for him.

And at that moment I knew that no one was more important to her than her son.

------------

Faith was standing by the door with Alex in her arms as we waited for Harry to pick him up and take him to his take care center.

Alex was in a power rangers shirt and black shorts with sneakers on his little feet and a small SnapBack on his small head.

It was like a little mini me.

I smiled at the way he was like me. He had her vulnerable side and was just as stubborn as she was but he did have my attitude and dressed just like I did.

There was no denying that this little angel was ours.

Alex was telling Faith about what he was going to do today at the take care center. Pictures of him painting and drawing flooded my mind as he kept talking to her.

The way she looked at him was quite hard to explain. It was like he was the only person who mattered most to her and who she couldn't live without. I never thought she'd look at someone the way she'd look at me. But she did, only this time it was stronger and I couldn't help but feel jealous that she cared for someone more than she did for me. My own son.

I leaned on the wall while I watched them talking to each other lovingly. Every few seconds she'd fix his hair that was similar to mine except his quiff was smaller than mine. He'd soon get annoyed by the third time and push her hand away, telling her to stop. And she did.

It was like she'd do anything to him which I believe she would.

Minutes later there was a knock on the door. Faith walked over and opened it to reveal Harry.

He looked different too. He was taller and a bit more buff, definitely. His hair was longer and not that curly anymore. He had a lot more tattoos than before. He was wearing a simple black shirt and jeans ripped at his knees and wore brown boots while he had a brown bandana around his head which made him look fucking ridiculous.

"Uncle Harry!" Alex was the first to speak, and jumped into Harry's arms while Faith held onto his sides, making sure he didn't fall before letting him go.

"Hey, buddy." Harry laughed as he held him and Alex grinned at him like he was the best person in the world.

Envy boiled in my blood along with jealousy and anger.

"Long time no see, Zayn." Harry looked over at me. "You look different."

"Speak for yourself asshole." I said.

"Still the same attitude though."

"So, you'll be here by four?" Faith turned to Harry.

Harry nodded and smiled at Alex. "I'll be here by four, Faith, don't worry. Remember what the doctor told you. Louis will be here in about an hour to check on you."

"I know." She sounded annoyed.

"Okay, well I guess I should be going now." Harry turned towards the door before Faith kissed Alex's forehead.

"Be careful with him." She told Harry.

"Always am."

"I'll see you later mummy." Alex waved at Faith.

"Have fun, Alex." She said before he looked at me.

"Bye!" He waved at me.

I gave him a small smile, surprised he even remembered me, and waved before the door closed and it was just us two.

------------

"Are you going to answer my questions now?"

Faith and I had just finished eating breakfast and were now sitting back on the couch. I noticed that Alex hasn't eaten before he left but she assured me that Harry would buy him McDonald's every time he'd pick him up.

"Yeah."

I looked back at her and asked her the one thing that was on my mind and needed an answer to. "How did you manage to raise him?"

Faith gulped before speaking. "It took a lot for me to do it, believe me, but I managed to by myself and by the help of Louis, Harry, and my friends. If it weren't for them I wouldn't have been able to have Alex."

"When was he born?"

"July 31. He was a bit late and I was close to losing him but thanks to the doctor, he made it alive." Tears swelled in her eyes and I couldn't be able to imagine what she had gone through with our son.

"How did you risk losing him?"

Faith bit her lip to stop herself from crying. "Let's not talk about that right now, please. I'll tell you eventually but right now I can't say anything."

I was going to protest but I knew how hard this was for her, whatever situation she had been in.

I nodded, sensing the mood change in the atmosphere. "So are we going back to the way it was? Except with our kid now?"

I really wanted it to. I wanted us to be together again and raise our child together and teach him so many ways of life. Teach him his rights and wrongs. Teach him he needs to fight for what or who he loves. Just like Faith and I did a few years ago with her brother.

I knew we would have to talk about him soon. I wanted to know if he was still in her life or not. Whether he apologized for what he caused us or not. And what happened to Anastasia?

"We can't, Zayn."

"And why the hell not?" I stood up on my feet again. "I'm back now, I love you, and I want to do this with you. I want to raise our child together and I want to make love to you as much as I can. Don't you think I've missed you, emotionally and physically? Or what? Don't you love me anymore?"

The last sentence was a thought I couldn't bear to handle.

"It's not that Zayn." She stood up. "I have a lot going on with Alex and I can't be sidetracked by you. I'm not ready to be in a relationship with you right now. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings but I can't. I do love you, but Alex is my top priority right now."

"Are you seeing someone?"

"What?"

"Are you dating someone?"

She shook her head. "Of course not, I told you I am only focusing on Alex and his future right now. I need it to be perfect for him so when he grows up, he'll go to college and start his life. I can't focus on that with being in a relationship. At least not now."

"Why not? I'd be helping you with him, helping you prepare him with his future."

"You can help." She said. "But I just can't have you be with me. I'm not ready to go back to how things were. I've changed because of him and I can't go back to who I was before."

"What's the matter with you?!" I yelled. "What happened to the old Faith I loved?"

"She changed." She spoke hardly. "She decided that she needed to grow up because of everything going on. I had to raise our child by myself with the help of two of our best friend's , Zayn when you should've been there for me. How do you think that makes me feel? Having you gone when you should be living these precious memories with me? Seeing him grow up every second of the day and watching his birth, holding onto my hand telling me everything was going to be okay. Instead, it was Louis. He's helped me through everything you should've helped me through. Imagine how many times I've gotten up in the night, looking over and not seeing you laying there next to me? I grew up, Zayn. And so should you or else you won't be in Alex's nor my life anymore."

I was speechless.

How dare she threaten me not being able to see my own son when I haven't even built a relationship with him?

"I'm sorry, Zayn." Her voice shook. I looked up and she was crying. "But Alex is more important to me than you."