Talking To The Moon [z.m.]

19: Drive

Faith's POV

"Alex, please." I begged, new tears springing in my eyes, tormenting me once again.

"No!" He squirmed out of my arms when I tried pulling him to me.

This was one of the most painful situations I've gone through. It hurt me deeply to see my child push me away and tell me all of my mistakes.

"Please don't push me away baby." I pleaded. "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not!" Alex yelled. "You did this to us, you took daddy away from us, away from me!"

"No, Alex, I-" I began to say but there was the sound of a door opening and when I saw him enter through the door, my world crashed.

"Daddy!!!" Alex ran to him and Zayn caught him in his arms. His.

Zayn saw me crying but ignored it and looked at Alex. "How are you doing, buddy?"

"Not well." Alex replied. "Mommy broke your heart, didn't she!" He pointed at me accusingly and I knew that he was right, I had broken his heart.

I let my head hang low and I breathed shakily, not wanting them to see me cry again. They'd probably ignore me.

It wasn't like I thought this would happen, it was the complete opposite.

When Zayn would have returned we would've made up and he'd meet Alex and we'd be happy.

But then there was that night.

The night that ruined everything. The night that destroyed everything Zayn and I could've built before we even thought about it.

If that night never happened, then I wouldn't be feeling this pain right now.

Instead I'd be over there with Zayn and Alex, embracing both of them with love.

"Why don't we go into the other room, Alex?" Zayn asked his son who immediately nodded and they both left the room, leaving me with my demons and depression.

I hated this. I hated this feeling.

I want to be happy, I want to be with Zayn and live happily ever after with our son by our side, and most of all, I wanted to tell him what happened to me.

But I couldn't, he'd hate me for it as soon as he found out my deepest secret.

As much as I loved Zayn, and as much as I wanted his love, I couldn't do it. I had to keep this to myself and take it with me to my gravestone.

My eyes met Zayn's when I saw him standing in the hallway, his eyes low and upset. He looked like he cried for a whole night like I did and his expression was sentimental and anguished.

"I'm leaving to go out but Alex wants to come with me." He said.

"Would it be alright with you if I take him and bring him back later at around five? I have somewhere to go to six so I have to get ready before then."

I didn't respond.

It felt like my brain didn't want to and my heart, what was left of it, hurt at Zayn leaving me again. I should probably get used to it though, I decided this, not him.

"It's fine." My voice sounded sore from the crying. "Just make sure he eats."

"Of course I'm going to remember to feed him Fay- Faith." He stopped himself from calling me my favorite nickname that he came up with.

The remaining pieces of my heart ached against my chest.

It'd be easier to get rid of them now than to have to feel them and have the reminder that he isn't mine anymore but I didn't want to feel that pain right now, I was feeling too much already and I wouldn't be able to take it.