Temporary Hate

Chapter Fifteen

Ten Months Later

I set down my glass of whiskey, glad to be discharged from the hospital. The pain in my back resurfaced. I rested my head against the bar and sighed.

My phone vibrated in my pocket for the millionth time but I ignored it.

"Another," I rasped signaling the bartender for more whiskey. "Rough day," he asked. I let out a humorless laugh and nodded,"you could say that." Actually, you could say a bad year.

Hours later I was home. My small apartment with no Sam. I hadn't seen her since the hospital and I missed her.

I couldn't let her see me like this though. Although she visited me in the hospital she had never stayed the night and didn't know I sometimes woke up screaming, begging for my team to survive. I couldn't let her see me like that. That would be more painful than the bullet in my back.

When I woke up the next morning my head was pounding due to the excessive amount of alcohol last night. The pounding became worse the more I lay in bed and I realized it was the door when I heard someone tell me to get my ass up.

"What," I growled, opening the door.

"What the fuck is wrong with you," Carson said walking past me into my apartment. "What are you talking about?"

Carson snorted and threw his hands in the air. "Your mom has been calling me at every fucking hour of every fucking day worrying her ass off about you. Not to mention the fact that your bullshit is interfering with my damn fiancee who already has troubles sleeping with Grayson in the mix!"

"I'm sorry Car-"

"What the fuck happened over there Gavin?" Carson asked more reserved now. I tensed and shrugged.

"It was a war. What do you think happened?" Carson scowled and shook his head, taking in all the beer bottles littering my living room table. "Look man....I know what it's like over there. To see the men next get shot in the goddammed che-"

"You don't know shit! You don't know what the fuck it's like to lose-" "I know damn well what it's like to lose a teammate!" "-your entire fucking team!" I continued. His eyes widened in surprise. "Jesus Gavin. I'm sorry man."

I shrugged him off. "I am to, but it's not going to bring them back is it?"

Now it's out there. The sickeningly dirty truth. I'm home while the rest of my team, my brothers, aren't. I'm home and my brothers families are left with no father, widowed, no longer a mother or father, a brother or sister. While I'm home! Unable to control myself I picked up a beer bottle and threw it at the wall across the room. It shattered into millions of pieces. "Fuck!" I shouted in anger. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I repeated. Anger, pain, fear, and a lot of other unidentifiable emotions flooded me at once.

"Gavin," I heard Carson say quietly, "stop man."

"Why? Why did I come home?! No one needs me here! They had families, wives, children," I asked sinking to the ground.

"You have people that care about you to Gavin. Like me, Amy, your mom, Sam. We all care about you. You mean something to us." We sat in silence for however long before I said, "so you know about Sam?"

Carson laughed and nodded. "Yeah, I know about Sam. Your mom tells me about her every time she calls."

I smiled slightly. Sounded like my mom.

"I really am sorry about Amy. I didn't mean to scare her," I said. Carson shrugged off my apology. "It's fine. She's been really weird lately with the wedding and everything. Gray got really sick last week she freaked out. And last night she cried when I said I loved her. It's all very odd."

He may be complaining but he was smiling as he did so. "Maybe she's knocked up again?" I asked. Carson's eyes widened. "I like being a father, I love my son. But I don't think I'm ready for another baby."

"You won't have much of a choice if I'm right," I said, smiling.

My ears rang as smoke and blood ran into my eyes. Pain exploded in my back as I dragged myself forward a bit. A few yards away I saw Don running around, his fatigues on fire and his screams reaching my ears. Gunfire echoed in the distance. I reached for the sat phone a few feet away, unable to reach.

Mustering all the strength I had left in my body, I slowly pulled my body towards it. "This....this is Sergeant G-Gavin McDough... requesting air st-strike on coordinates 34.8466°N, 71.0973°E. Medical assi-assistance nee....need...ed." The world darkened around the corner of my eyes. Far off in the distance I could see the remainder of my team making their way into the mountains. That was smart. Suddenly I realized the rebels sneaking up on them from every direction. An explosion went off and I heard a cry of agony. Brooklyn!

"Sergeant Gavin Mc.......McDough. Air strike on coor-coordinates 34.8446°N, 7..1.09......." The world went dark.

"We got an alive one. Convoy ambush. Only surivor." Ambush?

My eye was forced open and someone shined a bright light on it. "Sergeant? Can you tell me your name?"

Only survivor.

"Your name Sergeant. Tell me your name," the doctor pleaded. Only survivor.

I shot up, sweat coating my body. Pain laced through my body as I thought of all the men I'd lost. The cry that ripped through my body was primal and borderline inhuman.

It hurts so much. The pain was like a sickness. Spreading though each vein and muscle. Taking over my body. My stomach clenched tightly and I made it just in time to empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet.

*******

Sorry it's taken me so long to update, everything has just been so chaotic with school almost over and college closing up. Please please forgive me. I just want to thank y'all for reading this and hope you guys are enjoying it so far.