Chapter 7: Please.... Just Let Me Finish
Aaron came back a minute later to a snuggling Julia and I. He slid our drinks on the table and asked us if we were ready to eat, and me, being the gentleman I am, ordered for Julia, knowing what she wanted since she kind of told me. He walked away, and I gently started kissing the soft skin behind her earlobe. I wasn’t trying to be sexual; I was just trying to make her feel….special? I don’t know the word I want to use.
“So, tell me more about you,” she said quietly a minute later, playing with my long fingers. “What do you want to know?” I asked, not moving my lips away from her skin. “Like, why are you tangled up with Brian? I mean, you seem like an okay kid, so why are you settling for a life of crime and crap like that?” “Alex got in it before I did,” I said softly. “After…after our parents… died…we had pretty much no one.
Alex was old enough to be my legal guardian, so he bought a house and we moved in. I was seven, and I couldn’t stay at home by myself.” I caught the confused look on her face, and decided to explain it, no matter how painful. “Alex and I watched our parents die. We were driving home from going to see my grandpa, after one of my baseball games, and were hit by a drunk driver. All I can remember is seeing my mom smiling and laughing at my dad trying to sing to the radio. Then there was this big flash of light….and screaming. I opened my eyes to see my dad broken and bloody in the front seat, and I could hear my mom screaming his name. Over…and over….and over.” “Jason.” Julia touched my arm softly. “It’s okay. You don’t have to keep-,” “Please. I’ve never told anyone this before.” I couldn’t meet her eyes. “Let me finish.” “Okay,” she whispered.
“I was small enough I could crawl out of my seat and go to my mom. She pulled me into her arms, and just held me. She was so weak….she had never held me that loose before, and it scared me.” I stared blankly out the window, mental images flashing through my mind. “There was blood everywhere, and she just kept saying my name…..”
“Jason….oh, my baby…Jason, honey.” “Mommy,” I said, cuddling into her. “Stop crying. We won the game.” A weak laugh escaped her lips before she looked at me in agony. “Jason….do you remember what….mommy and daddy….taught you and….Alex about Heaven?” “Of course I do, Mommy. I paid attention in Sunday School!” “Good…... I want you…….and your brother………. To always remember that….Mommy and Daddy love you…..so much.” Tears started to well in her eyes, and I didn’t understand. “And that you…..will see us…..both…” Her face was getting whiter and whiter, and my blue jersey was getting more and more red. “In…Heaven…. I love you…..Jase….Bear….”
Those were the last words to leave my mothers’ mouth before her brown eyes- my eyes- slid closed and her warm, embracing arms slacked off of my small frame, and the sweet comfort of her heartbeat was no more. “MOM!” Alex screamed, tears running down his pale face. “Mom! No! Please, God, no! DON’T TAKE HER!” “Mommy!” I wailed, covering my ears. “Mommy make him stop! Wake up! Mommy, please!” She wouldn’t respond.”Mommy!” I turned and tried to get my fathers’ attention. “Daddy!” He didn’t move, staring blankly forward, his rounded glasses askew across his face, broken, just like he was. “Daddy!”The sounds of sirens wailing reached my ears, and I curled up against my mother, sobbing. Alex was screaming, begging God no, don’t take her too, thrashing against the twisted metal that kept him in his seat. His face was paler than I had ever seen it, the tears rolling down his face, staining the skin. “Mommy,” I whimpered. “Please wake up.”
“The cops came with the fire department and they had to saw the car open to get Alex and I out. I wouldn’t let go of my mom, and he wouldn’t let them touch me. One of the guys tried to, and Alex screamed at him to leave me alone. They made us go to the hospital, me and Alex, after confirming both my parents were dead at the scene.
We were both treated for severe cases of shock, and they tried to get us in different rooms, thinking that would be better, for us to be alone. It wasn’t. I screamed and cried, and wouldn’t let them come close to me without Alex in the room. And Alex wouldn’t let them do anything unless he could be with me. They finally had enough brains to put us in the same room.
A couple of days later, we had the funeral and Alex bought the house we’re staying in now. We needed money, though. My grandpa wouldn’t lend us any, because he thought Alex was going to use it on drugs, or alcohol and he was the one person we had. Alex couldn’t get a job because I couldn’t stay home.
I had started hurting myself, because I blamed myself for my parents dying. If I hadn’t had a baseball game, we would have stayed home, and no one would have gotten hurt. I wouldn’t eat, or drink, or do anything. Alex had to physically take care of me, so he couldn’t leave me alone.
Well, one day, Brian pops up at our house saying he knows something Alex can do that will get him the money we needed, and he wouldn’t have to leave me. I could just go with. That’s how he got in it. Me joining in was unavoidable. I loved it whenever they blew stuff up. I could make bombs better than Alex could, and Brian thought that was perfect. I got into this when I was fourteen, and I’ve been in ever since.”
We sat there for a second, neither of us saying anything. Then Julia placed a gentle hand on my chin, turning my face to look at her. “It’s not your fault,” she said softly, brushing my hair off my face. “God had a reason for doing what He did, and it’s not our place to try to understand it.” “Yeah, I’m sure He did,” I said bitterly, grabbing my Coke and taking an angry swig.
“Jason…what happened to your faith after your parents’ accident?” “It fell apart. I couldn’t trust someone who had allowed me to see my parents killed in front of me, or who decided to let the good for nothing drunk walk after the trials. I’m not going to praise and worship someone who had taken everything from me.” “He didn’t take everything, Jason. He left you Alex.” “Yeah, He left me a traumatized Alex who couldn’t get a job, and who had no idea how to raise his little brother, throwing Alex completely under the bus.
I felt horrible for making Alex stay at home, but did God do anything to help us there? No.” “Jason, He gave you your life. You should be thankful to be alive.” “Why? So I can be a burden to my brother? Yeah, some gift.” Guilt twisted my gut at the pain that crossed Julia’s face at my bitter sarcasm. I sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be shooting you down. You have your opinion, I have mine.” “It’s okay.” She gently stroked my arm, softly brushing her fingers over mine.
“Thank you, for telling me that. It means a lot to me that you would open up to me, when we just met.” She placed a tender kiss on my cheek as Aaron came back with our food. I pulled her into the best hug I could while sitting in a booth, letting the tear slip down my cheek.
