I woke up the next day with the world lifted off my shoulders and feeling like today was going to be the best day of my life. I got a text early in the morning from Brian saying I needed to come to the warehouse, which meant one thing. Alex and I were getting paid.
Julia blinked at me when I stood and stretched. "You leaving?" "You're coming with," I said, bending down to scoop her into my arms, blankets and all. She sighed and tucked her head into my shoulder, her arms looping around my neck. "I'd whine about you taking my covers with, but I'm too tired," she mumbled, slipping her eyes closed.
I walked to the truck and slid her into the seat, smiling at the dirty look she gave me when I held her head up to put my butt on the seat. "I love you," I cooed as she settled her head into my lap. "Mhmm." I laughed and started the truck.
I pulled up to the warehouse to see Brian standing outside, which was weird. If we were getting paid, he'd be inside counting it out, right? I climbed out of the truck, dragging a sleepy Julia with me. Girl was not a morning person. At. All.
"What's up?" I asked Brian, noticing the way his eyes kept darting back and forth, never once landing on my face. "We gotta to go the precinct," he mumbled, still not looking at me. "Why?" My face lit up. We were finally going to put our plans into action and blow up the whole flipping building! "You have the bomb?" "Well, uh, no." My eyebrows furrowed together.
"What do you mean, no? Should I go and get it?" "No, Jase. You'll see what we're doing when we get there." I just got more confused. "Okay?" "And we're taking my car, so let's go." He walked away quickly, never once looking back at me or Julia. "Okay then."
We walked over to Brian's car, a crappy old Ford, and slid into the backseat. She put her head on my shoulder and yawned. "Still tired?" I asked her, running my fingers through her hair. "Just not awake," she mumbled grumpily. I chuckled and wrapped my arms around her.
By the time we got to the precinct, Julia was wide awake and kissing the skin behind my ear, giving me goose bumps. Brian parked and turned to face me, his skin white. "Here. Put these on. You'll need them. And keep your hood up." I shrugged and pulled my jacket hood up over my head, pulling it so it covered my face and slipping on the shades he gave me.
The second we walked through those doors, my skin started crawling with disgust. I hated everything about this place, the building, the people that worked here, why they worked here. All of it.
"Brian?" a lady sitting behind a desk asked, looking up from a clipboard. He nodded silently. "You just need to follow Mr. Stokes here. I'm sorry for your loss." Again, he nodded, motioning me and Jules to follow him and a tall guy in a pair of jeans and CSI jacket. I hated him already.
Stokes led us down a dank hallway, down some stairs to a morgue. My happy mood bubble was starting to get punctured.
"I'll leave you alone for a few minutes," he said quietly, turning around and walking out of the morgue. I gave Brian a look. "Why are we here?" I asked, my arm winding tight around Julia's waist. He didn't answer me, just walked over to the wall and unlatched the lock thing. He grabbed the handle and pulled, revealing a white body.
My heart stopped, my breath turning to a hunk of ice in my throat, clogging my airways. My knees wobbled, fear and horror's icy grip encasing my chest. Julia gasped and buried her face into my chest, covering her eyes. I couldn't even move my arms to hold her.
I couldn't breathe, couldn't blink, couldn't look away. My brain couldn't process anything but the recognition of that pale white face, purple bruises ringing under grey eyes I knew and loved, now permanently closed never to see again.
Alex.
My brother. The person who had raised me since I was eight, who had held me during my nightmares, made me laugh when no one else could, who I trusted more than anyone, who I could always rely on. Gone.
A round hole was centered in his motionless chest, above his heart, black against his now pale skin.
"N-no." The word shook my cold lips, my mind never making sense of the word. Brian put his hand on my shoulder. "He went in to buy gunpowder, nothing even that illegal, and somebody thought he was you and called the cops. He went to pull his ID out his back pocket, and they thought he was reaching for a gun. It was quick, Jase. He didn't feel anything."
Julia's small body shook with sobs against me, her face hidden in my chest, her arms around my neck. I wanted to say something to console her, but I couldn't think. I was numb, a dead feeling seeping through my vines and saving me from the pain I knew was coming.
Images replayed behind my eyes; a blinding flash, and my parents bodies, my mother's screams echoing in my ears; Alex chasing me with the hose one summer, laughter filling the air; Alex and I playing Guitar Hero the Saturday of my birthday, a store bought cake resting on the coffee table with six two liters of Mountain Dew and cookies; Alex coating me with Band Aids and antiseptic after I got in a fight at school because some kid called him gay; every good memory of Alex and I up to yesterday, after I'd finished screaming at him.
"Jason." Brian forced me to look at him, a sympathetic look in his eyes. "I lost my brother, too. Maybe not permanently, but I lost him. I know what you're going through. Just know you're not alone, okay?" I nodded numbly, barely processing his words.
Julia pulled back and put a hand on either one of my cheeks, looking into my eyes. "I love you," she whispered, pressing her lips lightly against mine. I nodded again, swallowing. "We'll give you a minute," Brian said, putting his hand on the small of Julia' back and trying to usher her out the door. She kissed me softly again before following him.
I took a step forward and stared at my brother's face, my breath a hunk in my throat. "I-I. T-thank you. You spent your whole life taking care of me, and look what happened. I got you killed." The words scorched my throat, and I swallowed and kept talking, needing to get this out of me. "I'm sorry for all the bratty crap I did. You didn't deserve any of it. You were there for me the entire time, and I took it for granted. I'm so sorry." Tears burned my eyes, scrolling down my cheeks as I gripped the cold metal supporting my brother's body.
"I love you, bro, and I promise to blow the crap out of whoever did this to you. I'm gonna- I'm gonna make you proud."
The tears rolled, blurring my vision as I staggered my way to the door, shakily pulling it open to reveal a crying Julia and Brian with a tortured look. I wiped away the tears and stroked Julia's hair as she flung herself into my arms, whispering how much she loved me, and how sorry she was.
It took us a minute to start walking towards the door, my eyes scanning the dank hallways for anything I could use to figure out who killed my brother.
.........
Brian pulled into the driveway to my house, and I couldn't help notice how empty it looked. I popped open the door and climbed out, Julia following me. "Do- do you want me to stay with you?" she asked me as I gripped the doorknob. I shook my head. "I just want to be alone for a while, okay?" She nodded. "I understand. I'm here when you need me. Take your time."
I went to open the door and she stopped me. "Jason." I turned to face her and she kissed me, pulling me into a bone-cracking hug. "Everything's going to be okay. I know it doesn't seem like it, but it will be. I promise." She let go of me and walked back to Brian's car, climbing into the passengers seat. I unlocked the door and walked to my room without looking at the pictures decorating the mantle, without sending a glance towards the closed door to my brothers room.
Without the reminders of what I had, of what was ripped from me, of what I would never be able to get back.
My family.
