Did I make you feel bad when I would talk about "my other best friend" Did I ever make it seem like I valued her more than you? Did I ever make it seem like I preferred my friendship with her? It was because I was scared. I didn't want you to see me as second choice to anyone so I wanted you to think I had someone else. I didn't want to be second choice to any of your other friends so I think sometimes I tried to make you seem like second choice.
I'm sorry for that, feeling like second choice to everyone is something I've always dealt from my siblings, my parents, and my friends and it hurts , I don't know why I would try to do that to you. I don't know what I was thinking, I don't know what I'm thinking now. I want to be loved the way I love people but no one gives me that. I pour so much of myself into everyone and I think they're doing the same until one day they say something or do something and I realize I'm giving them more then they give me.
I don't remember when, but one day I just kind of wondered if maybe I was giving you more pieces then you were giving me. I don't like that feeling. I don't like valuing someone more then they value me. It's lonely. Everything makes me feel lonely nowadays. You make me feel lonely. She makes me feel lonely. All my friends make me feel lonely because no matter what I don't have anyone who sees me the way I see them.
-missing you xx
YOU ARE READING
Thoughts I'll never share with you
Короткий рассказThe thoughts of a sad person struggling to deal with the loss of one of their most valued friendships. Written in the form of notes to said person.
