Thoughts I'll never share with you

After

When I started this little journal thing it was because I missed you and I needed some way of talking to you, and even though we aren't speaking, it's comforting to share how I feel as if you're reading it. I miss you so much Scantroso(I don't even remember where i found this but it was your stupid nickname), you have no idea, but I'm done with these notes. I don't think there will ever be a time I don't miss our friendship and just because I'm not writing these notes anymore doesn't mean I'm forgetting you, it means I'm letting you go so that maybe I can be better.
    Missing you has hurt me a lot, it's made me hate myself more than I already did, and even though I love you a lot I've learned I shouldn't hate myself for anyone. You were one of the first people who actually even talked to me about loving myself more actually, so I hope you're proud to know that I'm trying, because I really am.
    I'm going to miss knowing you and being around you, but the things you've taught me won't be forgotten. You taught me what it really means to be close to someone, especially how hard it can be at times. You taught me that it's okay to be the way I am, it's not about how others view me it's about how I view myself. You taught me that I can't get my happiness from other people, I have to get it from myself because it's too risky to rely on someone else for it.
    You've taught me a lot of other things, I could go on all day about it, but I won't. Instead I'm going to say thank you for it all, thank you for trying to be there for me, thank you for trying to support me, and thank you for what you've taught me. I'm sorry for any of the things I ever did that hurt you, and in any way you've hurt me, even those things I didn't tell you hurt me so you weren't aware how I felt, I forgive you for it all. I wish things could've gone better or differently, but it didn't and that's okay. We'll be okay with how things went, I promise.
    I'm going to miss you more than you'll know, but I hope you know how amazing you're going to be. I hope you believe in yourself and know that you'll be amazing. If you ever don't do well with something you try, don't worry, there will be other things for you to do and try. You are an incredibly smart, gorgeous, and overall amazing person, don't settle for anyone who doesn't reassure you of this. Surround yourself with people who make you feel loved, wanted, and appreciated because that's what you deserve.
    I'm proud of the person you are and I love her very much, I hope you do too. I'm going to miss I you love, be amazing for me and yourself okay? Although I'm saying goodbye it's more like a see you later because I know that for me, the way you've affected me will always stay with me. I hope any positive ways I've affected you will stay with you too, I'm dragging this out because I'm not ready to end it, but I love you. Just know that, I love you so so so much. You'll always be one of my best friends.
     Be amazing wherever you go,

             -missing you, but letting go, Malumore(my stupid nickname<3)