Completed Heart

Chapter 26: Trapped

Chapter 26: Trapped

I was stuck. I had nowhere to run, no one to turn to. I lay there for hours. Tyler was a different person. I spent the rest of that Friday on the floor, trying to figure out what had snapped in his mind. I tried to figure out what I had done, specifically. Nothing clicked, I couldn’t figure it out.

I finally got up sometime the next day, Saturday afternoon, I think. I had to change out of my clothes. At least I hadn’t bled, so there were no stains on my shirt. I took a quick shower. Afterwards, I slipped on sweats and a t-shirt. I put my hair in a bun and couldn’t be bothered with make-up. I wandered around the house, pointlessly for a while. I was missing Liam, I was missing Harry. To be honest, I felt empty without all of them. I needed all five of them. I was lost without them.

I found myself wandering into Liam’s room. It was incredibly neat; everything was in its place and the bed was made. I unmade the bed and climbed in. His sent still lingered there. Liam was my protector. I needed to feel protected; his sent was the only way I knew how. I fell asleep in his bed, with his duvet snuggled up around me. I woke up the next morning, still in his bed. I half expected someone to carry me back to my own room, but I remembered; none of them were here to do that.

I quickly changed and jogged down the stairs. It was the last day before I had to return to school and I had a shitload of homework to do. That day I spent working. I finally finished my work at 11p.m. and went back up to Liam’s room and went to bed. I realized I forgot something; eating and drinking. I didn’t remember to do it during the day, but at night, when I realized it, I was too lazy to get up and do something about it.

The next morning I woke up and rushed to my room. I had to quickly get changed for school; I had overslept. I rushed around and grabbed a granola bar for breakfast. I had to put on some make-up to cover up the bruise on my face. I ran to school, just in time. I wasn’t going to be late for class, but I had cut it close.

I jogged to my first class and sat next to Leah.

“How are you doing?” She asked me, “I heard the boys left. Babe, you seem off.” I smiled up at her, but it offered no reassurance. She patted my shoulder.

“It’s ok to miss them. They were like your brothers. I saw how you interacted with them when I came for dinner. You love them, and they love you. Don’t sweat it; they’ll be back before you know it.” She shot me a comforting smile, but I tried to tune her out. I couldn’t bear talking about them. The class started, and I was left alone to my thoughts. When the bell rang, signaling the end of class, I rushed out of there. I was about to enter my next class, but I froze. It was my math class. I sit next to Tyler in math… I took a deep breath and slowly walked in. He wasn’t at his seat yet, so I plopped down in my seat and pretended to be absorbed in my notebook. I heard the chair scrape against the floor next to me, but I refused to look up.

“Susan,” his voice was soft. I took a deep breath and looked up at him; his eyes were hard and emotionless. I gulped.

“Susan,” he started again, his voice hardened, “I am going to come home with you today.”

“I-I, er, I have to…” I tried to think of an excuse.

“Not anymore. Whatever you had planned, cancel it. I’m tired of being second to you, of being on the back burner. I come first now.” He stated. I took a inhaled sharply, and nodded. Class started and I pulled out my notebook. I was having problems writing my notes, though, my hands weren’t working right; they were trembling.

The next three weeks passed slowly. Tyler became controlling and abusive. He was almost always at my house after school. He would always force me onto the couch roughly and we would make out. He was aggressive with his kisses and his tongue. Harry was like that, but when Harry did it, it was comfortable and exciting. When Tyler did it, I was unsure and it hurt. He would insult me a lot, too. Calling me a whore and a slut. I took it all without a fight. He would slap me or pus me, occasionally, but it was nothing I couldn’t handle. It was only when he mentioned the boys that I would get defensive. It would turn into a heated argument that would end with me, on the floor, bleeding and crying.

I hadn’t seen my mother since I told her about Liam leaving. I was nervous about her, worried that she was going to hurt herself. I felt like I needed to do something, but I had no idea where she was.

My friends and I were drifting apart. They would try to talk to me, but I would shut them out. It was my fault completely, but I couldn’t bear explaining what was really going on. They knew something was up between Tyler and me. They saw the way he ordered me around, and how submissive I became. They tried to talk to me about it, but again, I shut them out. Now, I spent my days following Tyler around like a lost puppy dog.

Liam had kept his promise, and called every day. I was able to put up a cheery front and tricked him into thinking that everything was ok. I would talk to two or three of the other boys, but it wasn’t the same as them being there, with me.

I was trapped in my routine, completely alone. It seemed like the stuff Tyler said about me was coming true; I will always be alone, I am a slut, a whore, I am disgusting and unlovable. I am trapped.