For Your Eyes Only

S e v e n t y - f i v e

We didn't talk that much. Taylor and I haven't got a chance to have a decent conversation since one, I don't really know how to talk to her after finally knowing her decision and two, I'm on the verge of the tears almost the entire ride. I even kept my radio off in the fear that a familiar song might come up and would throw me off my control. God, this really sucks.

My head started to ache whilst I was driving and my nose got even more runny as it always comes when I'm near crying. "God." I said quietly, completely distressed about everything else. I kept biting the insides of my cheeks and prevented myself from displaying my wretchedness. I was cast down by the knowledge that after this ride, and after fixing her car, she'll leave.

I sniffled, feeling the weight of my own feelings pitted against me had almost gave me a reason to drench in my own tears. I tried not to, she's inside the car, I can't exactly show her.

"Harry." Taylor called. . . her voice is almost at the same tone as mine but I wasn't sure.  Maybe it's just a side effect of me feeling this way.

I bit my lip first and sighed. I didn't want her to say anything else, I might feel worse and that would put me over the edge. "You don't have any spare tires do you?" I asked, trying to keep my voice and my tone firm.

"Uh-- no, not really--"

Even her voice is almost pushing my tears to roll down. "It's alright, there's a-- there's a shop nearby. We'll stop there." I said, it's completely different about what I wanted to say.

We weren't able to talk once again when we stopped for the tires. I also tried avoiding her as much as I can, I don't know if I'll be able to hold it for long. I paid for her tires myself despite her protests, I wasn't in the mood for argument anymore so I just paid for it as soon as I can and loaded them on the back of my car.

Again with the dreadful silence, and it was completely dark now, it was also cloudy so most of the lights from the skies are only from the little bits that were able to go through the clouds. I was only hoping it wouldn't rain because I didn't want anything else to remind me of what happened years ago when I left her. Flashbacks had been my torture for today, and not one bit had they made it all the better.

It was the first time I managed to keep my eyes fully on the road and nowhere else with Taylor in the car. I don't really know, maybe I should just get used to it.

"You're really fixing my car on your own?" She asked, bringing me back and ringing up my senses. Her voice was a bit more torturous to hear.

I took a very deep breath before answering, knowing I might break down easily. "Y-Yeah. That was-- that was the deal wasn't it?" I replied almost as plainly as I should.

"The downside was fully yours." She added.

I bit my lip and shut my eyes real tight. I felt small tears pass through though when I opened them, they immediately dried off. "Would you agree if it-- if it wasn't for that?"

"I don't really know." Taylor replied whereas after that, I kept quiet. Any longer, I wouldn't be able to control myself.

It wasn't five minutes later when I heard a very familiar song, I don't want to remember the title. I was a bit confused where it came from and I even took my phone out to see if it was mine. It's definitely not.

"It's my phone." Taylor said and I heard a beep noise. I tried not listening though I haven't really got much of a choice.

"Yes mom?"
"Uh, sorry I was delayed a little."
"No, mom, no, no flights. It's uh. . . all in my car already."
"Car trouble."

"Please, just no flights. I like taking long --drives." Taylor's voice faded at the last word. She even looked at the mirror to see if I was looking but it was only a split second as I got to look away too quickly.