For Your Eyes Only

N i n e t y

Unfortunately, no matter how tired I always am, I couldn't sleep straight ever since I found out about it. I'd wake up with tears in my eyes and then I'd look at Taylor. . . it's just the same and this night wasn't an exception.

Groaning quietly, I wiped my tears away and walked to the kitchen as I felt my throat dry. After a glass of water, I walked back to the dimly lit bedroom. . . only to find Taylor seated on the bed, her hair hanging at the side and mostly on her shoulders, her knees were slightly bent and her chin on her knees.

"You've been waking in the middle of the night, Hazz. That's not a good thing for you." She said quietly and then her eyes darted to me.

I closed the door and sat in front of her. I smirked and moved her scattered locks from her face. "You're awake as well." I replied.

"I've had worse. . . will have worse." She replied with a smile, she's trying to make it sound like a joke though we both know it's not one. None of this is a joke to me, I wish she'd stop saying that, she can still live long. . . I don't care hat the odds say, she'll still live.

That smile of hers was painful, it's something that's forced out of pretend. She knows I won't believe her and she still tries to trick my mind that everything is alright. It's just her with her beautiful lies.

I gently laid my lips on her forehead and sat a little closer. "You can fight this one, right?" I asked, possibly and madly hoping for another beautiful lie. . .

She shrugged, still smiling that forced smile. "Strike three and you're out. . .I've had two, Hazz." She replied, speaking of her past two surgeries I was barely informed of.

I didn't reply. I didn't want her to stop fighting this. . . she doesn't have to accept that she had no chance. She does, she can still live, she can still fight.

She hadn't have a single idea how the thought of losing her terrifies me. It's frightening, I could barely last. I'm scared of the thoughts that she'll be gone from me. The simple idea of it brings chills to my spine. Her words scare me, she didn't even know how harsh all of those sound like in my ears. It terrifies the hell out of me.

Taylor interrupted my thoughts by holding one of my cheeks with her hand. Her red lips pulled up to a smile, that real smile with that gleam in her eyes. "Hey." She whispered gently as though she wants me to say something, or she wanted to say something. . . "You know I'm joking, right? I'll still fight if I can. . . I can only do that if you can stay strong with me. You're the last thing holding me, Harry."

I laid my hand on hers and forced out a smile, a single tear was shed from my right eye. "Funny how earlier you say you wanted me to leave you."

"I do but I don't. . ." she replied and then raised her other palm and reached for my other cheek. She moved closer and our foreheads touch, she didn't let go. She took a deep breath. "I'll leave that to you, stay or go, I'll be fine."

"Do you think I would leave you at the time I'm needed the most?" I asked, that's something she barely understands. I didn't care how much pain it'll bring someday, I needed to be with her and that's it.

"No." She replied.

The two of us stayed very silent and very still for a dark moment. I didn't want to break it at all. Her being so close to me, her floral scent, her lovely hair touching my shoulders. . . just Taylor being with me. She fascinates and hurts me at the same time.

I try to treasure every single moment with her, because I don't want the time to come. I don't want it to pass by easily. I'm scared of that to come. . .

"What's on your mind?" She asked quietly, sounding like she just wanted to talk.

Beneath the dimly lit room, I could still see her eyes gleaming from the small amount of moonlight that has sliced through the windows. "I'm scared, Tay." I whispered truthfully. I'm terrified that in every minute I spend with her could be the last. I'm scared of losing her all over again.