I'm so sorry || cth (discontinued)

I just want to go back

26|| I just want to go back

~Stephanie~

Monday. Yay.

It's Monday morning and my ankle is killing me, my whole body's tired and most of all, I just don't want to go to school.

I don't want to deal with Leigh.

I don't want to deal with everyone asking me for advice.

I don't want to fake a smile.

I don't want to do anything.

I just want to lay in bed and listen to my music for hours on end.

Maybe -just maybe- music would help block out the voices. But I know it doesn't help. It doesn't help because the voices are in my head.

And there's no way to get them out.

•••

"Okay, thank you," I say as sweetly as possible into the phone. "Bye."

I put down the phone with a sigh.

I had just called into my school, pretending to be my mother, and told them that I wouldn't be able to make it to school today because I didn't feel well.

That was the truth, but just not the whole reason.

After a while of just staring into blank space, an idea pops into my head.

I smile to myself as I grab my keys from the shelf by the door, slipping my shoes on.

•••

I arrive at the abandoned building and took a while to admire it.

From every single crack and dent, to the graffiti and rust, to the peeling paint and rotting wood.

For some reason, I always felt like I could relate to this place.

It used to be something so happy and loving (it was a build-a-bear workshop) and then, over time, it became dismissed and started to crumble apart.

I've missed this place. I used to come here all the time with Aidan, but one day I just stopped coming. And after a while, so did he.

I didn't just stop coming here because I got bored of this place. No, I could never get bored of this place.

But ever since the incident, both Aidan and I had been reluctant coming here.

Of course I've missed the good old times, but, as they say, good things always come to an end. And that's what happened; everything was so perfect, then it all just came crashing down.

I make it to the familiar roof we used to stand on every day. In fact, some of our things are still here.

Some pillows and blankets, paper filled with absolutely rubbish drawings, a few earphones that don't work, a dinosaur.

But something in particualar catches my eye.

Behind a plank of rotting wood I see a golden-brown bear with a loving look on its face.

My eyes start watering as all the memories of us begin to cloud my mind.

Still clutching onto the bear, I get up onto the ledge of the roof and sit down.

I look out at the city I once loved, but now hate with a burning passion.

I just want to go back to when I was younger. Back to when I couldn't care less about what I did, when I had all the love in the world. Back to when people still cared about me.