Too Much

Chapter Seventeen

Louis

"We all have struggles in life - battles to fight. And sometimes, we feel like we can't win it, yeah? Like we aren't strong enough. But we're all wrong. God only gives us problems He knew we could handle. He only gives the hardest battles to His strongest soldiers." I trailed off, looking up from where my eyes were trained on a piece of paper containing my speech, to the crowd of people infront of me intently listening. Couple of flashes went off as some of the decent paparazzi that were actually invited, took pictures of the current events. I scanned the crowd to look for a certain face and there she was, on a corner sitting by herself looking at me with an approving smile making me smile back.

I never really concealed my growing adoration for this beautiful lady and I doubt she didn't notice it. But as my adoration grew, a sprout of emotion was slowly making itself known. I always knew I adored her but lately I realized, it wasn't just that. At the back of my mind I knew affection is what it was.

I was falling for her - no. I was already in too deep.

At this realization, I continued speaking, not once looking down to look at the paper that held my speech. The words were falling freely from my mouth like I had no control over it, "We only need a shoulder to cry on and someone to have our backs when we're falling apart. Someone who'd hold it altogether in our vulnerable moment before we're ready to fight again. Someone who'd pull us to our feet when we fall down." the words were spoken softly but ironically, it held much more conviction.

I continued looking fondly at her, adoring the way her hair was messily styled, framing her beautiful face that was flawlessly adorned by the thing that always enticed me into her - her hazel eyes. I noticed that its dullness was fading, the haze clouding it was slowly being wiped away. The sparkle I once saw was slowly showing its glint. It wasn't as bright as it was the first time we met, but it was there, and it was a start. I sighed contently at the sight that was her at the distance, the way the light was illuminating her features - her protruding cheekbones, her close-mouthed smile that made her full lips pout and the way she blinked, absent-mindedly batting her long eyelashes as she looked back at me.

I was so lost in her that I had been staring for a while, all words long forgotten. I didn't notice I left my speech hanging and the people were still waiting for me to continue.

So I did, breaking eye contact with her and looking at all the children scattered inside the enormous hall, "And once you find that person that would stay with you, you'll realize how much of a warrior you are, not because you expect them to fight your own battle but because you'll find your strength in that person," I exhaled deeply trailing off. And for the last time, I looked back at her while giving an end to my speech, "So thank you for giving me the opportunity to be a hand to help and a source of strength. Thank you for letting me fight with you. Thank you for letting me be one of the reasons you're ... strong."

The room was silent for a second, everyone absorbing the last words that just came out of my mouth. Then a round of applause thundered inside the room after a while. I smiled at my mum, who was beside me all the while, as I pass the mic to her before kissing her cheek.

"That was so beautiful, son. I'm so proud of you, my boy." she told me while looking at me with teary eyes.

"I know you are, Mum. I know you are."

The flashback of my speech just hit me while I was in stage rehearsals two weeks after the ball. After that mid-speech realization, the feeling of wanting to be near Eleanor was gnawing at my insides almost everytime. I find myself craving her presence: wanting to hear her laugh and her sweet voice, wanting to see her smile and her doe hazel eyes staring back at me. It's like there was a force pulling me towards her, urging me to come and see her. Each passing day that I didn't see her made me grow more anxious anticipate the day to end so I could think of an excuse to see her. But it was like the universe was testing me, for everything that was hindering me from seeing her seemed to be a never ending list. And it was frustrating, my patience was wearing thin and I awefully wanted something; to atleast hear her voice, but of course, even doing a phonecall I had no time to do so as something was always up.