Neglected Desires

Chapter 4

"Oh." It felt like each sip of wine I'd swallowed that night hit me all at once. "He thought he couldn't trust me." He cocked his head and looked at me questioningly. "My turn." I asserted as he parted his lips to speak. "Are you happiest when you're performing or during down time like this?"

"The last few," he paused, his eyes looking at me, but appeared to be far away as he searched for his answer, "I've been most comfortable on stage, but I'm pretty happy right now."

"Hhmmm" I nodded.

"Why didn't he trust you?" His words weren't malicious, he was honestly curious and I pondered if he had any idea what he was walking into. My heart stopped for a moment at that thought, did he already know? I drew a deep breath telling myself if I gave him just enough information that would satisfy his curiosity.

"He thought I had feelings for another man." A small lump moved down my throat as I watched his unchanging face; his features remained soft, no judgement passed on me yet. "Why are you so interested in this?" Those words, just above a whisper, tripped over my tongue before I realized I was even thinking them.

"I want to know about the pieces of yourself you don't let me see." He rested his chin in the palm of his hand, those deep eyes roamed my face for a moment before coming back to rest in mine. It was as if he was daring me to keep this going. Daring me to lay everything bare for his inspection. "What happened to make him think that?" Challenge accepted I thought as I swallowed the last of my wine.

"I made an innocent mistake one night." I could feel my heart starting to speed up, that familiar pounding in my ears "Have you ever really been in love?"

"I think so..." His answer was casual and he appeared to give his answer no second thought has he moved to push a few stray hairs back from his face. "What was the mistake?" I hopped off the piano, no longer comfortable under Prince's intense gaze. A short walk across the room, I found the bottle of wine and drained half of its remaining contents.

"I called out someone else's name when I came." I answered with my back towards him. I couldn't bring myself to look at him, I was too terrified of how he might see me. Closing my eyes I drew a shaky breath, we were tip toeing too close to my truth. "Have you ever done that?"

"Never." His voice sounded softer, or maybe it was just muffled by the next drink I took. "We're you thinking of that other man when you came?"

"No." My lie coated in a nervous laugh. Of course I had been thinking about Prince that night. In the haze of this conversation I could at least admit, to myself, that I had indeed thought of him that night and many others. I had fantasized about his talented fingers trailing up my spine as we moaned each other's name, about his taste on my lips, about the feel of his chest hair as it brushed against my nipples while he thrust into me. I had imagined just about everything. "Have you ever thought of someone else while having sex?"

"Sometimes...whose name did you call?" And there it was, the question that sent a jolt right to my core. As I sat the now empty wine bottle back in the table I noticed my hand was shaking and my breathing had become obvious.

"Your name Prince." My voice was strong, but as I spoke his name I felt a shock run through my body. I had finally revealed myself, a part of myself I've been denying for so long and the silence that followed was terrifying. I became instantly afraid that he would think I expected something from him, but all I wanted was to prove I could be completely honest, completely bare with him. I could not stand the silence anymore, I turned around only to find him standing only inches behind me.

" I heard you today." His voice raspy and low. Prince took another step toward me, his body close enough for me to feel the heat radiating off his skin. "I came upstairs looking for you about 10 minutes before..." He inched even closer, close enough our chests would meet if we both took a deep breath. I swear he could have heard my heart it was so loud in the silence that surrounded us. "You were making the sweetest noises," his right hand came up to rest on my hip, "i couldn't help but stand there and listen to you." I was frozen in place lost in his passionate eyes, focused on the soft pressure of his hand on my hip. "I wondered if you were dreaming," that large hand squeezed my hip harder and he brought his free hand up to my other hip, gently pulling me up flush against his firm body, "or if you were awake and touching yourself." His words were shaky and just barely above a breathy whisper. "And when you moaned my name..." My breath caught and my mouth went dry as I felt his arousal coming to life.

"Prince," he bit his bottom lip, those two front teeth digging into his pink lower lip. My heart was pounding and I could feel myself starting to tremble. Part of me wanted this so bad, but part of me was terrified. I brought my right hand up to his stubble covered cheek, letting my fingertips trace the prickly line of his jaw before running my thumb along his plump bottom lip only to have him wrap his soft lips around my trembling thumb. "No," drawing a shaky breath I put my hands on his firm shoulders and pushed a confused looking Prince back a few steps, "i don't want to ruin our friendship." My mind knew this was right, but my body was screaming for his touch. The look on his face told me he wasn't used to being pushed away. "We've been drinking and I don't want to jeopardize what we already have." He looked hurt and the idea of hurting him was killing me, but I knew if I didn't walk away now there would be no going back.

"Im sorry Alexa." Even his voice sounded hurt.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." I touched his arm gently and I swear I felt goose bumps form on his skin as he watched my hand. "I want you," his eyes coming back to mine, "but not like this." We were engulfed in silence as our hands entwined for a few moments. "Goodnight Prince." giving his hand a quick squeeze before I walked away.