Depression kills, no exceptions...(Papyrus Story) *VERY SLOW UPDATES*

Chapter 5: Conversation

Papyrus nearly jumped at the sight of the luminescent, levitating figure ahead of him. It looked just like him!! The grey colors, the face, the height, the everything! Was this the voice?

HIS voice...?

Papyrus, despite knowing who was in front of him, couldn't suppress the simple question,

"W-who are you..?"

(..Nyeh heh heh..!!! did you really ask that...?! are you that much of an IDIOT....?!?!?..)

Papyrus couldn't help but be shocked. This was HIM?! He was never like this! And yet, this was him!

(..yes, I am you....you genius...you don't understand a fucking thing about life now do you...?!?!....)

Papyrus was scared. He backed away on the bed, although he knew it was hopeless to escape this voice.

(at least you know what you're doing....sorta.....)

Papyrus was on edge. He'd never imagined that he'd "see" the voice in anything other than the mirror! And here it was, standing before him, arms crossed in an annoyed stance! It looked pissed.

(...I AM pissed...!..why do I have to be the voice of such a heartless disappointment...?!...)

Papyrus didn't like this. The voice from his own head was looking down on him like a child! He wanted to hurt it, but that would hurt himself....

(...well why DON'T you?!...?!...)

W-what...?

Papyrus was stunned.

(...you heard me..!!...why don't you end it ALL..!!..!...I mean for god's sake, no one needs you around...!...)

Papyrus was taken aback. He had had enough! He HAD to speak!

"You know why I don't just "end it all"!!! How would Sans feel if I just leave him?!"

(...why do you care..?...I doubt he cares anymore after the show YOU put on!!!....)

Papyrus couldn't help but feel that his voice was right. After what he did, would Sans forgive him?

(..I highly doubt it....I hope he doesn't....you don't deserve it!!!.....)

Maybe you're right....

Papyrus never felt this unwanted, unneeded. Helpless... His skeletal body felt abnormally heavy. He felt choked by his own rib cage. He felt compressed and tight in his "battle body", but he refused to take it off. After so long, even when it brought pain, it became a part of him.  He didn't take it off because it felt like his only protection. He felt safer with it on. Papyrus began to feel queasy. He couldn't vomit, but it felt like he was about to. He wanted to run. To get away. He's felt like this for a while. Sans is his only reason for staying. He keeps Papyrus trapped. Sans was like a ball and chain on his ankle. He was a restraint that Papyrus couldn't break, unlock, untie...

And Papyrus didn't try to. He can't, so he won't try.

(...wow, you're quite the pessimist...) 

"And YOU are not?" he replied sarcastically. Papyrus was tired, sick, hungry, and alone. But he enjoyed the pain. It was all he had left. Papyrus looked away from his voice. He knew that the saying "Out of sight, out of mind" wasn't true, but he didn't want to see his voice in front of him. He felt offended by himself. 

(..you know you can't escape...so why try to..?....)

"Because I have a will, the will to stay sane."

(.....you can fight me you know...you just don't try!....)

This was true. Papyrus could fight, but he didn't want to. He wasn't always a Pacifistic person, but he had no will to fight this voice. He also had no energy, mentally and physically, to do so. He wanted to sleep....

(..don't you DARE sleep on me!!!...)

"I don't think I can. You're really loud."

(..and yet I make no noise....)

This was also true. Papyrus never understood this. How could something so loud not be heard by anyone else? It scared Papyrus to think about it. The thing insulting him could not be caught in the act. So what could he do? He had no idea....

(...well, wasting your time won't help you...!..)

I know it won't damn it!

(...you know, as this carries on, I just keep infecting everything you love because you won't stop me...!...and you call yourself strong.!...)

I've never called myself that. I'm NOT strong....I'm not a good friend, and I'm not afraid to admit it....I've had enough....

(so....are you gonna do it...?!...)

The voice sounded a little ecstatic. Papyrus knew what it was building him up to. He wanted him to end it all. So did Papyrus. He'd even considered it. But flashes of Sans riddled with grief and self-hatred as he blamed himself for it plagued Papyrus's mind, and he said...

No.

(..w-what..?!..)

I said...NO...

(....a-are you REALLY that much of and idiot!!!....you know you can't take this anymore....so why are you trying....?!?....)

Sans.

That was his only answer. Sans....Sans meant everything to him, so he stayed. He wanted the voice to be aware of that. As long as Sans was safe, and alive, so was Papyrus. Of course, this isn't what his voice wanted.

(..do you REALLY think he still cares a-about you..?!....after what YOU did..?!?!....just stop trying..!!.....)

I don't want to.

(yes...you do..!!..)

I know, but I can't as long as Sans is still around. So YOU stop trying so hard to change my decision. It won't work.

(....I can't believe you....)

And that's fine with me.

And with that, Papyrus shut his eyes and attempted to go to sleep. The voice tried to keep him awake. His mind was flooded with insults and self hatred. But he'd had enough. He didn't pay attention. He reminded himself of Sans whenever he thought about hurting himself. 

Sans would notice any self inflicted harm. He would notice Papyrus's disappearance. He would notice how quiet he was. Papyrus couldn't get away from Sans, and therefore, couldn't hurt himself without Sans finding out somehow.

And Papyrus was alright with that. Despite knowing how he would feel in the morning. He just wanted to get away from this voice of his.

So, he did.