200 days with you [ jesse eisenberg x reader]

day 27 \\ panic attack

song: vance joy - mess is mine

You stayed in the Hallie and Jesse's apartments for several days while in your apartments were final prepartion for your moving in there. Hallie was still in the university and you needed some help. Jesse stayed at home but you haven't even seen him that morning.
You came into Jesse's room in order to ask him for help with some stuff. But you stopped and became numb for a minute when you saw him sitting on the floor and breathing heavily. He stared on the floor clutching his arms in the carpet. Hallie told you about his mental problems but you never imagined him having them. With you he was always smiling, making jokes but at that moment...

"Jesse, what is it? " you sat infront of him and took his hands in yours.
" I'm fine" he said trying to stood up." Everything is okay"
" No, you are not" you said and he started choking. " Breathe, Jesse, breathe"
" I... i don't know. It feels like... I'm going crazy" he stared at he carpet.

You knew exactly what it was. It was a panic attack. You knew how he felt. There was a lot of panic attacks in your life and you learned how to stop them. But then you felt powerless for a minute. He was trembling. He was choking. His eyes started watering. He was biting his lips. It was too hard for you to watch him suffering.

It was so unfair that the person like he felt himself in that way. For you he was beautiful. Full of stars. Full of talent.

You decided to take situation under your control.

" Shhh, Jesse. Breathe, breathe and everything is going to be okay" you put your hands on his shoulders and started stroking them slowly."Close your eyes, honey"
He closed his eyes and started breathing deeply. You turned to him and started stroking his back very gently. When you was close enough to him, you started whispering on his ear.
" I know how it feels. Growing fear inside. Shivers on your legs, your hands are numb. There is strange pain in your chest. Your heartbeat is insane. You starting to choke. It's like your soul and body are thorn apart. You can't think about anything. It feels like you lost control. It's not permanent. It's only for 10 minutes. And I know you think it's not going to end but it will. Just breathe." you whispered.
You felt his head on your shoulder. His curly hair tickled your neck. He placed his arms around your back. You put your hand on his hair. He sighed.
" Please,don't tell Hallie" he asked. His voice was cracking."Please"
" I won't tell her. But you have to promise me something." He nooded and you took his hair from his face. "You will visit your therapist as soon as possible."
" I promise" he answered immidiatley.
" Okay" you smiled and put your head on his shoulder.
You were sitting like that for ten minutes untill he finally was okay. All that time he was hugging you. You felt his heartbeat, it was normal. His breath was deep and calm. You smiled, when he looked at you. Your hands was on his shoulders now.
" Everything is okay now. See."
" Thank you and I'm sorry"
" There is no point of saying sorry to me. You are my friend. You and Hallie are my best friends. You both care about me. And I care about both of you." he was looking at you and biting his lower lip. He does that when he is nervous or touched.
He gave you thankful look and smiled.
" Thats better. C'mon, I'll make some tea. And let this accident be our little secret, okay?" you stood up, holding his hands.
" Yes" he coughed, cleaning his throat " Yes, sure. Go, I'll come soon"
"Okay, but don't forget - I'm waiting" you went out his room.
" Y/N?" he stopped you and you leaned to the doorframe.
" Yes, Jesse?"
" Don't pity me" he said and you changed in face. Your smile disappeared.
" It's not pity, Jesse. I know what you felt. I felt that too. And there was noone to talk to me, to calm me down. It hurts like hell. And I decided that noone being my friend will ever feel in the way I felt."