YOURS SINCERELY • newtmas au

To: Teresa

To: Teresa
From: Tom

Where to start? I absolutely have no clue. Honestly? This is the hardest and toughest apology I've ever had to think of because I was just so awful to you.

I'm going to start from the beginning.

You know, Teresa, you have a big and kind heart that loves everyone for their flaws. I guess that was what drew me to you. I'm drawn to kindness, you see, and you radiated so much that I couldn't help myself. To me, you were really smart, really beautiful, and--best of all--really nice to me. I'm sorry I took advantage of that. I'm sorry that I dragged you into this mess I call me.

I've been nothing but awful the entire time we were together. I'm sorry for that, Teresa. I'd like to say that it was just because I'm awkward, or inexperienced, or just a plain loser when it came to girls, but no. I know deep inside that I wasn't being sincere enough. Even when I knew that, I tried to date you, tried to make you happy, but of course I'm a fuck-up with everything I do, so I screwed the two of us over.

I'm sorry I ended up ruining everything, and I'm sorry for what I did that has lead me to apologize like this.

I'm sorry for all the pain, confusion, tears, anger and everything else in between. You know, Teresa, I still dream about the time when we were happy, when I wasn't this confused and you weren't this lonely and the two of us were just happily dancing through the sprinklers at the park with an entire sky of stars laid out above us.

But whenever I open my eyes and wake up I'm just here in my room wondering what went wrong. Then I remember: ah, right, it's because I love somebody else now.

I used to think that I could make you happy, Teresa. Because being with you made me happy. At least, for a while. For the past few months, I've been talking to someone, someone who isn't you, someone you don't know. And they make me happy. I don't know how or why, they just do, and I'd be lying to myself if I said that I didn't like how happy they made me.

God, I'm an asshat, talking about them right now. I'm taking full responsibility for my actions and everything. I never wanted to hurt you, Teresa. It wasn't my intention. I just want to be happy without hurting people, and I think the best way for that to happen is to let you go and let someone else make you happy.

I want you to know this, Teresa: what I felt for you at the park, and what I felt for you during the days we dated, those feelings were real. As real as our friendship, as real as how sorry I feel right now. I hope you don't think that I've played you. I never wanted that. I made a mistake, but that mistake's not you. Loving you was never a mistake, Teresa.

I understand I've ruined things to the point where you can't look me in the eye now, and I'm sorry that it had to come to that. I hope you can see how much our friendship still means to me, and I hope one day you'll consider starting over.

I love you, I care about you, always have and always will. I wish and hope you could find it in your heart to forgive me one day.

Here's a poem for you, from the bottom of my heart.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You're still my friend
So here, have Doctor Who :)

Thank you, Teresa. For making me happy, while it lasted.

Merry Christmas!