Without You

Chapter Forty Three

The next few days went smoothly.

Ashley, Lily and I were kept in as a precaution. Relatives and close friends came and went, I felt slightly stressed and protective whenever anyone held one of the babies. I just wanted to be left alone but I couldn't say anything, it's understandable why they would want to visit.

"Is everything sorted for later?" I asked Zayn while I rocked Ashley.

"yes, I've already told you this babe. Bringing them home will be easy"

"I'll believe it when I see it" I shook my head.

Zayn and I hadn't yet confirmed the birth, but there were rumours flying around that I gave birth in the restaurant I'd spent my birthday meal at and all sorts of other things.

~

"That wasn't difficult was it?" Zayn said once we were in the safety of our home.

"Look at our home Ashley, Lily" I said to the babies, brushing off Zayn's comment.

"Here, let me help" Zayn took Lily from me as I tended to a crying Ashley. "I'll take her upstairs"

"Do you need any help?" Dante asked from the kitchen.

"Actually I think we're alright, Trisha is coming over in a bit to watch the babies while Zayn and I talk to management."

~

"Alright, let's start with baby business" Jack reached forward for his notebook.

"What about it?" I asked in a confused tone.

"Well, you've had a offer for a interview in OK magazine as well as an interview on This Morning."

"I don't want to do OK magazine" I look at Zayn as I say this, but his attention is focused on his phone. "Zayn?"

"What? Oh yeah, I'm cool with that" He shrugs.

"Do you even know what was just said? Do you even care about this meeting?!" I'm find myself frowning at him, anger building up.

"Call down babe, why are you getting so worked up?" He lets out a little laugh.

"Oh this is funny is it?"

"Not at all, Summer I just don't get why we're having this meeting and making a big deal about it. Why can't we just carry on like we were before?" Zayn says, completely oblivious to the whole situation.

"We can't carry on like before Zayn! We're both working constantly, who's going to look after Ashley and Lily if we're at work?" I'm now walking around the room, unable to remain seated.

"Summer we can get a nanny, and we take enough people around with us anyway, what's bringing two babies along going to change?" He says defensively.

 This is unbelievable!

"I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT KIND OF MUM, I don't want to be that kind of Mum Zayn!" I find myself shouting, "Because it sucks, it really sucks not having your parents around, especially when you need them. When they're not there for your first day of school, to teach you to ride a bike, to catch you when you fall, to be there when you need tem the most. When they're too busy touring the world or building another hotel. I don't want to be tat kind of Mum" I'm shaking with anger, years of unconscious thoughts and feelings pouring out. He doesn't deserve this. "I'm sorry" I manage to choke out before everything goes black.

~

What if what everyone is saying is true? What if I am a unfit mother.

When I came back around two days later, lying in a hospital bed, everything was clear. I needed a break. Not only from work, or from the press but from my whole life.

But would I need the break to last forever?