|Recap|
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"I love you Kellin.." I said. He smiled and didn't reply. He might have fell asleep. I just sat there in the dark and sighed. At nights can suck but I remembered I was in Kellins arms. I was loved and safe.
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|Hazel| ~August~ 8 months~
Kellin has been in this crazy depressing stage, I've been trying to act as if nothing happened but late at nights, I act like an emo.
But anyways, I've just been feeling so bad for not going to Kellin right away. He could of been a dad to two babies. Two of him. He felt so let down and he can't even sleep in the same bed as me anymore and it just can't take this so right now, I am deciding to do what's best for me. Best for us....
|Kellin|
I shook from a nightmare and stretched on the couch. It's around 11pm but I can't sleep. I've let all of this sadness and pain get the best of me which I should have never let get to me in the first place. I was suppose to be up in the morning for a band meeting, just write songs together and have a hangout while Jenna and Lindsey. They have been talking for a while now and I'm kind of thankful these girls can get along.
I tip toes to the bathroom and only met my eyes with hazel. It was as if she was coming to me. "Kellin.. Can we talk?" She said. I hesitated before nodding. "It's fine if you don't want to" she said. "No no i want to. I need to talk to you also.." I said and lead her to the room.
We sat down and I went off saying a couple of words first. "Hazel, you know I love you so much.. I don't think we can be girlfriend and boyfriend..." I said. Hazel looked taken back and as much as this hurt me, my heart just shattered. I didn't want to just be hazels boyfriend, I wanted to be her husband. It's like I wasn't meaning what I said and someone else was forcing me to say this. It wasn't me. I wanted Hazel, I love her. I was suppose to purpose to her. To have a family with her. "W-what do you mean?" She asked with tears streaming down her face. "I'm telling you I don't want to be with you.. " I got up and walked out only hearing her yell. I didn't know how to say this. I felt too afraid and scared. Oh god I wish a friend could help me. "I was going to tell you that we needed to be in this together! Kellin, I need you more than anything!!" She begged and I sat on the steps and poured everything that was bottled inside of me right out. I started sobbing and crying. I want her but I can't have her. I don't deserve her. I gave her two kids and then one magically stopped its heartbeat. As bad as it sounds, I can't cope with all the pain I caused.
3:29 AM
I've been laying in bed, just hearing Hazel sob from upstairs made me urge to go upstairs and just cradle her. I can't. She doesn't deserve me what's so ever. She's mad at me
3:47 AM
Fuck it.
I slowly got up and quietly made my way upstairs. I could hear shuffling from upstairs that made me wonder. I hesitated to walk into the room. "Yeah hello? Oli?" I could hear a stuffed voice call out. She must have called Oli. "Kellin no longer loves me. He fucking left me. I-i" she started sobbing. "It hurts to fall so hard for someone, I am fucking pregnant with his babygirl Oli! He just told me that we couldn't be more than just friends.." She just cried. I walked into the room and saw her shocked, she held her mouth and turned around and whispered a few words and hung up. "What do you want ?" Her words were like poison.
"I wanted to apologize for hurting you.." She shook her head and got up and was face to face with me. "Just give me one reason?" She asked. Her face was swollen from crying too much. "I just.. I don't want to be the one always hurting you. When this baby is born, it won't see me most of the time. I can't quit my job because it's almost like leaving my family. I want to also stay with my family, you guys but I find you way too fragile and I don't know if I can handle this. Hazel, I don't want to hurt you. I love her so goddamn much. I'm fucking ranting right now and it doesn't make sense.." I began to not even undertand myself. "What are you saying?" Hazel asked after the silence died out.
"Hazel Cosette, I've been wanting to ask you this for so long. It's been killing me so today is the day I finally ask you.. Wait one second.." I felt so embarrassed I didn't have the ring on me. It's in my room.
I took off nearly tripping and grabbed the little box that kept a diamond ring in it that was in my drawer, and joined Hazel once again. I hid it behind my back and her face seemed washed away. "Oh no Kel- I can-" I cut her off. I pulled the black little box form behind me and slowly got down on one knee.
"I shall continue what I was saying. Sorry about that. Hazel, from the moment I laid my eyes on you, I knew we were in love. I just.. I've always wanted you to be mine. I just didn't know how to say it, or make it happen but I'm forcing myself to be a man and stick up for myself and keep you. I don't want to loose you at all. I fucking love you so much. You are the reason I wake everyday, I want to be the one you wake up next to every morning.. "
I stood there choking up on my words. Hazel just stood there not knowing what to say. Her eye seemed to blend in the night shinning stared, sky.
"-Hazel Cosette, would you take the honors, be my one and only, and be my life lasting wife?" I asked and she stepped back a little and slowly nodded and blinked her tears away. "Yes, I will. I want to be.. Please" I stood up and lightly kissed her once and then again.
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