midnight man (joshler)

chapter three/poster child for mental illness

chapter three/poster child for mental illness

the next day josh feels less like himself.

he's used to these days. the ones where life feels like a never ending drag. he zones in and out as he struggles to get himself ready for school.

"josh!" he turns at his mother's voice, her tone sounding as though she had been calling for several minutes.

"sorry, mom. what is it?" he asks, pulling himself to the surface of his flooded mind.

he glances around, noticing for the first time that he's made his way upstairs. he's standing in his kitchen, wearing black sweatpants and a red shirt advertising a soda brand. his mom watches him nervously.

"you just set your shoes in the microwave," she bites her lip, and josh isn't entirely sure it's not to hide a smile.

"oh," he looks down and pushes the button to pop open the microwave. "it appears i did."

he grabs his white vans and places them on the floor in front of him. he blinks once, trying to remember even doing that. he can't. he shrugs, sliding his feet into the shoes.

"thanks for telling me mom," he flashes her a grin. "i guess i'll be off now."

"josh," she stops him, grabbing his arm as he turns to leave. "you aren't... getting bad again, are you?"

my mind reels back into the present. the fog goes away immediately, and i suddenly becomes aware of what i'm doing. i blink like i'm seeing everything for the first time.

"no, mom, i'm okay. really," i lean in to hug her loosely, and flash her a smile as i reassure her.

she visibly relaxes, and a small smile plants itself on her face. i bid her goodbye and stroll outside to my car. i can't help but feeling slightly guilty though, because suddenly i'm not sure if i just lied to her or not.

||

i never liked school very much.

this isn't really a surprise, because -really- who does? even the diehard straight 'a' students hate school. even the teachers hate school. everyone hates school. every parent thanks their lucky stars they don't have to go anymore.

i truly despise it. it's not as that i'm bullied or anything: everyone holds a gentle respect for me. i've never done anything to harm anyone else or said anything rude to anyone else, and in turn, they treat me the same way. i'm one of those people who just hates having to deal with them all. the cheerleaders, the jocks, the band geeks, the overdramatic drama club, the wannabes, the desperate singers... they all really get on my nerves. so i just keep to myself. the exceptions? jack barakat and rian dawson.

"josh!"

i turn as i'm walking into the school building to see rian shouting at me. he's got his left arm wrapped around jack, and he's not wearing his happy face. jack looks wrecked, and last i heard, alex gaskarth was messing around with a girl named stella; it's not hard to put two and two together.

"hey jack, buddy, you doin' okay?" i sympathize, walking to his right side.

"he- that whore!" jack just shakes his head, choking back a small sob.

"hey, hey, we all know alex gaskarth's a dick. don't cry, jack, be strong. don't give him the satisfaction," rian snaps.

unexpectedly, jack whirls around, and throws a soft punch into rian's chest.