midnight man (joshler)

chapter twenty/im not a murderer

if u saw this b4 im sorry i needed to add this one part i forgot about.

chapter twenty/im not a murderer

"i don't know if i want to do this," josh shakes his head for the hundredth time.

"it'll be fine," tyler tells him for the hundredth time.

"tyler i don't want to kill anyone," i tug on his sleeve.

"you won't, josh. i will. you just need to find a place for me to lure them, and make sure no one follows us," tyler repeats their plan for the evening.

i'm still not convinced. i wish i was still in bed, quietly moping about the fact that i fell in love with a murderer to the song i'm in love with a sociopath. it would've been an ideal saturday night for me. instead, i get to watch my boyfriend kill someone in a park and hide his tracks.

"there," i clear my throat, subtly pointing at a darkened pathway that leads off into a running trail in the woods.

"good boy," he murmurs under his breath, patting my back.

he walks off then, approaching a random man wearing jogging shorts. i look away, sickened by the sight of him. for all we know, he has children. he has a wife waiting for him to finish his run in the park and come home. i fight the urge to throw up while tyler leads him down the trail.

i can't do this.

y o u a l r e a d y a r e.

i squint my eyes shut, begging the world to stop spinning. i wince as i hear the man scream once. there's no one around to hear. no one but me. i pick up a rock, tossing it from hand to hand. if there are any cameras around, maybe i'll look casual. maybe.

i'm about to toss it aside when i see him running, limping, out of where tyler just led him. this was not apart of the plan, this was not apart of the plan, this was not-

his body falls to the ground with a thud. blood oozes out of a large crack i've made in his skull. i drop the rock in surprise, glancing down in shock at my trembling hands. i killed him. i'm a killer! i stumble backwards to throw up behind a bench.

i hear tyler jogging towards me and swear.

"fucking shit, you weren't supposed to- are you okay?" he comes to press a hand against my back.

"you said i wouldn't have to kill anyone," i spit, glaring at him.

you're only mad because you don't care as much as you should.

fuck. you.

"i didn't know he'd be strong enough to run," his eyes are full of apologies. "it won't happen again josh."

"you're damn right. i'm not coming with you ever again," i snap.

"josh they'll kill you," he looks at the ground.

"make them not kill me. or let them. isn't that what you like to do anyway?"

i don't apologize for making him flinch.

"i will be happy to be your loving boyfriend who you come home to every night, who ignores the red stains on all your clothing when doing the laundry, and who loves you like he should, but i am not going to be apart of this anymore. i'm not a killer, tyler," i'm shaking with rage.

it leaves me as he looks up sullenly. his gaze is dark, and his mouth twitches up into a smirk that is the opposite of friendly. his eyes look void, and i realize i must be in love with a sociopath. how else is he so empty of emotion? how else could he be staring me down right now like i'm some kind of chew toy.

"you will do what i say josh," his voice is deep, deeper than i've ever known it to go. "you don't have to like it. the fact is, you are a killer. you're standing right over the body and the murder weapon that has your finger prints on it. give me a reason not to call 911 right now."

"tyler," i whimper.

it's like a switch turns off his brain, because the dark look retreats just as fast as it came. his eyes glint in the moonlight again, and my breathing is steady again. for now.

"i'm serious josh. i didn't mean to make you kill anyone, but you did, and you can't walk away now. you did a bad thing - own up to it. you're one of us now," he shrugs, already pulling rubber gloves out of his pocket and throwing the rock into the small pond behind us.

i swallow nervously as he lifts the body with a grunt. he jerks his head toward the parking lot that only holds his car at this ungodly hour, and i follow him back. he loads the body in his trunk, where he meticulously attaches all sorts of  weights to it. i sit in the front seat quietly.

he hops in beside me and grins, assuring me everything's going to be fine. i force a smile back, tears prickling in the corner of my eyes. i listen to him hum a happy little tune, and try to swallow the fear eating me up as i recognize just how terrifying the man beside me really is. i also try to shove down, and ignore the part of me that longs to do just as he does. the part that relished the sound of the nameless man's skull cracking and the thud as he dropped to the ground.

no, i ignore that part entirely.

"you know you lied when you said you hadn't ever lied to me," i tell him suddenly.

"i already told you about my mom."

"no, i mean when you told me you weren't a murderer."

"that wasn't a lie, josh," he grins. "i'm not a murderer; i'm a serial killer."