Tapunan Ng Feelings

Secrets

A/N: Dahil dami kong feelings, nagtry akong manakit. Ang ending, ako ang nasaktan at humagulgol 😂 at dahil di ko kinaya, slight sakit lang to, kagat lang ng lamok... pero mejo humaba... please don't hate me 😭 Madami pa akong kakaining kanin sa pagsusulat 😂

Paalala: Fiction, imagination, kathang isip, gawa gawa lang, hindi totoong nangyari.

At, as usual, hindi ako nagproofread LOL patawad!

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MAINE

You know how sometimes you just want to sit in a corner, just shut everything and everyone out, and just... cry? That's me right now. I have been trying to keep it together for RJ and me. Pero tao lang din ako, nasasaktan. I'm not numb, and I would like to believe that I am absolutely not dumb.

I see and hear things and I try my hardest to understand and keep quiet, but there are days when they get to me, they do. This is one of those days.

It started last night, after RJ dropped me off, when I read all about the issue on his fans' real impression of me. I know I should just kebs and forget about them. I can take physical insults and so that was easy to brush off. But more issues bombarded us, from all sides. People kept on pairing me with other men without realizing how much that's hurting me. Then they kept pairing RJ up with his past LTs, without realizing how much that's hurting him. And he doesn't speak up and he doesn't tell me, and that hurts me twice as much. I know he's trying to protect me, but it hurts me more whenever he keeps these things from me. I know I say kebs, but that doesn't mean these things don't affect us.

Just tonight, he was so quiet in the car, like he was too careful to talk to me to avoid things he didn't want me to know. But I know. I know and see everything. I've seen the tweets insulting me, my face, my morality, and my non-existent talents, and I have been keeping that all to myself... because... RJ. I didn't want to worry RJ.

I tried. I really tried... for my RJ. God know how much I love him. When everything's said and done, our love is probably the only thing my pinky finger will be able to draw strength from, to keep on holding on.

But I am tired. I'm tired of holding on.

So here I am, drowning in my tears... trying to figure out how I'm going to face tomorrow...

I just... I need to talk to RJ...

RJ

Weird. I went to pick her up from her shoot to take her home. The whole car ride was quiet. I tried to tiptoe around all the issues today. I knew she read about them already. Between the two of us, she had always been the first one to know the issues. When we arrived at her condo, I thought she was going to ask me to stay for the night, like she usually did. But she said she's tired, said goodnight, and sent me home. That was weird and I didn't like the feeling. I wanted to stay for the night. After a day of issues, all I wanted was to be with her and hold her until we both fell asleep. But... she kicked me out.

I wondered if it's because she found out about the things I've been keeping from her to protect her. I hope she realized that I did that for her. Because the last thing I ever wanted her to feel was being unloved. She has to realize that she is loved... God, I love her. Even I can't explain how much I love her.

Sometimes I just wanted to shout it to the world and get it over with. I almost convinced her to elope in Italy, forget about everything, and live the life we have always wanted. I've dreamt of so many things for my family and myself before, but none as strong and sure as this one.