Tapunan Ng Feelings

Lyrics

A/N: Fiction, imagination, kathang-isip, gawa gawa lang.

__________

Imagine You and Me
Lyrics by Nicomaine Dei Mendoza

When RJ first saw the poem I wrote on my notebook, he thought I wrote it just then. Granted, I put it on paper that evening... but really, I've had that poem in my head, or at least parts of it, ever since our encounters during Kalyeserye episodes. I finished the second half of that poem after Tamang Panahon. It was only a few days after our 9th monthsary in April, when I wrote it down, and he saw it.

All my life I was dreaming
All my life I was searching
All my life I was seeking
For someone I can truly call my own

There will always be that part of me that will look back and remember every heartache I've been through. Being the middle child, I've always been the odd one out in the family. I was just... different. I even looked different. My love life was never stellar either. I was always the one who got left behind. I often wondered why people would leave me and always came to the conclusion that I was just not good enough for them to stay. But I never stopped praying for that one day when someone will come smile at me and let me know that I will never be alone again.

Then you arrived all of a sudden
Without a warning, it was you that I saw
Without a warning, it was you who came
You came right when I didn't know what to say

When I first joined the barangay crew of Eat Bulaga, I didn't really have any expectations. All I wished for during those days was to not mess up and make a fool out of myself. When I first met RJ sa split screen as Alden, I didn't really think any of it. Fine it was kilig, but more of nagulat lang talaga ako. Then biglang everyday ko na sya nakikita sa split screen, and the story of Alden and Divina started. Behind the scenes, he started sending me gifts and flowers. But I was like, kebs. I thought, siguro pa-thank you nya lang because syempre, both our careers really skyrocketed when July 16th happened. So ako, sige kilig kilig, sakyan ang kilig ni Yaya Dub. At that time, I still watched replays and nakakakilig naman talaga, to the point na nakakalimutan ko din na ako nga pala yun. So a part of me started wishing na sana, ganun din sya sa akin, at hindi lang kay Divina.

It would be nice to have you in my life
Would there be a chance for you to give it a try
It would be the best day of our lives
Imagine you and me
Together eternally

During the plywood episode, the entire fandom and their neighbors witnessed how overwhelmed I was at the first sight of him. I was shaking and crying. Iba talaga yung feeling ng after weeks and weeks na sa screens lang kayo nagkikita, then all of a sudden, he's there in the flesh, in front of you. Then we saw each other a little bit closer sa van episode. Then the long table date happened, then the dalaw mansion happened, the dalaw broadway, and many secret texts and calls in between. There were too many events during those couple of months leading to Tamang Panahon. Every Saturday was a chance to be closer, or to at least be in the same building and breathe the same air.

After every event in our lives on and off-screen, I fell a little bit harder for him. I'd be a hypocrite if I said na hindi ako slowly nahulog. Crush ko na sya noon to begin with, but I never really thought that we would come to this. I never really imagined him even noticing me. I always had that doubt in the back of my mind that he will ever fall for me, the way I was falling for him. I mean, paano ba naman kase diba? He's the Pambansang Bae, and ako? Ako lang si Maine, pa-dubsmash dubsmash lang at walang alam kundi maglukot ng muka at magpapanget.

You could've been lost
But here you're saved
Don't you ever go astray
What I would give to make you feel okay
I would gladly give it all away

But as time went by, ang dami nyang ginawa, pinaghirapan, and na-sacrifice, not just during Kalyeserye, but even after all the cameras are turned off. He had sacrificed and done so much more than people will probably ever know, and there are a lot of things he did na kahit ako, late ko na din nalaman. He endured a lot of criticisms din. People threw him hurtful insults - bakla, pa-cute, pa-hopia, babaero, magaling umarte na may gusto, pa-asa. People gave me all the sympathy. Humanap daw ako ng ibang worthy of my love, yung aalagaan ako, yung hindi ako iniiwan iwan, yung gagawa ng paraan to be with me, yung mamahalin ako in real life. Even if we only saw each other virtually that time, I knew na affected sya. Even his past was unearthed and taken against him. His past LTs were dragged and used to start issues. Everyday there would be issues and hanash in social media that even news outlets pick up on them. We survived through it all because of the thought that eventually, we will have to see each other and be physically together. The only question left then was when.

Daily Kalyeserye episodes gave us the chance to interact and know each other little by little. Our favorite were Saturdays. Yes, Thursdays are special as well, but Saturdays were always extra special. Every episode was the same thing, except for Saturdays, we were given chances na magkalapit, although one of us would always have to go. It was the same behind the scenes. We never really got to spend time together outside of the few minutes we interacted on TV. It was always just mga padala, calls, texts. We both started getting busier and busier everyday, and we saw more of ourselves together sa magazines and tvcs, but we never saw ourselves "together." We both witnessed how fast everything in our lives skyrocketed. His dreams started coming true at the same time as mine.

It would be nice to have you in my life
Would there be a chance for you to give it a try
It would be the best day of our lives
Imagine you and me
Together eternally

When Tamang Panahon came and we finally were able to hold each other, I don't know about him, but the moment he enveloped me in his embrace, all I could think of was how much I just wanted to stay there forever. I think he felt the same. That's when I wished and really prayed na sana naramdaman nya how I really felt and that sana he felt the same way.

And I hope you see that I would love
To love you
Imagine You and me
Together eternally

After Tamang Panahon, we were finally able to work together. We still did Eat Bulaga in split screens but we had more opportunities to spend time together. He started visiting me at home and we started going out for coffee and quick dinners. When we finally became a couple, I felt a happiness I've never felt before.

I've waited my whole life just to meet you
Now that you're here
I don't think I could lose you
This could be the best day of our lives
Imagine you and me
Together eternally

Sometimes, I still wonder what I did right to deserve this kind of blessing in my life. I would still get overwhelmed by everything, especially the love and acceptance I receive from fans and colleagues. Madalas, hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala.

When I first set foot on that stage in Broadway Centrum exactly a year ago, I could not even justify why I was there in the first place. Looking back, I kind of feel stupid being there in the first place, when I could not even tell them what real talent I had. I dove head first into show business without even thinking about wearing floaties. Little did I know, a ship was going to pull me up, a bedimpled hottie at its helm, and with millions of passionate and loving fans determined to sail.