Look into your eyes, I see that you loved me.
But I broke your heart and let you go
Regrets, frustrations filled me because I hurt someone like you.
Now you're here, my eyes sparks like diamond. The way I look at you never seems to change, never see...
What the hell is Sebastian doing? Smiling like crazy, jeezz. Kala naman nya naapektuhan ako.
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Weh? Hindi nga ba Mimi? Ang gwapo nya kayang mag smile just like the old times- My inner self chastised.
Ok fine I admit that he has a gorgeous smile but that just it , gwapo paren siya, mas gwumapo pa nga eh. But everytime that I'd remembered what I've been doing the last time I've give in, ang tanga tanga ko.
The very first time I've seen him, nahulog ang loob ko sa kanya. Good thing we're in the same course and we're classmates. Panget panget ko pa nga dati.
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I'm not the beautiful woman in my college years. Nag evolve lng ako ng parang pokemon nung gusto ko nang magbago.
Ako yung gumagawa ng assignments nya, project nya, mag ka groupmates kame lagi, and even stayed in my apartment para kumain then he will leaved. You know the feeling that when people telling that he's not the one for you, that you should keep distance away from him because of his reputation pero hindi ko sinunod kase mahal ko eh. Handa akong magpakatanga para sa kanya.
And that's the biggest mistakes that I've done in my life. Falling in love deeply to someone else that doesn't appreciate your value. That's why favourite song ko yung 'Hide Away by Daya' because there's this lyric that let say mostly true in our real life, "Girls seems to like the boy who don't appreciate". Yeah that's insanely true.
Kahit na sobrang nasasaktan na ako sige paren ako, kase mahal mo nga. I can't help but to cry every moment that I needed to cry. Buti nlng inuntog ako ni God eh, He wakes me up to that love slash nightmare.
When everything falling to its places then all of the sudden magpapakita siya tapos sasabihin nya akong mahal nya ako. That's outrageous! You can't fall in love to someone that you already broke, especially boys, alam mo naman yung pride and ego nila, then don't want there pride and ego be stepped by anyone unless gusto nila.
Gusto nya? Mahal tlaga ako ni Seb? Hindi na ako papauto noh. Kung kelan maayos na ako at malapit na akong totally na makamove on ay darating pa siya.
Humarap ako sa kanya na busy sa pag wiwire ng malalaking wires.
"Why are you doing this?" I said. Napaharap naman siya sa akin.
"Why are you saying that you loved me but infact that you're the one who broke me?" I asked. I really want to know.
"Why?...." I continued. I faced him.
"Because I'm too dumb to let go someone like you. I'm too dumb, yeah! Jerk, asshole, or anything that you wanted to describe me but this dumb, jerk, and asshole hurted someone that he loved, someone that he value, someone that he love him the most. I'm sorry Mimi, I'm sorry if I did that to you, sorry If I broke your heart" He solemnly said.
I can't help but to cry.
"I love you Mimi, I really do. Sorry kung late kong masasabi sayo, pero I've waited this moment para masabi ko sayo tong mga nararamdaman ko sayo. I love you and even if you don't love me anymore or you don't want me anymore I will still continue loving you." He said.
Napatawa nlng ako
"You are saying that you're not giving me choices?" I smirked at him
He nodded
"Yes! Because I'm responsible for that broken hearts of yours to bring back into whole or kahit hindi whole. Its impossible kase na mabuo ang heart mo unless kung mahal mo ko" he smiled at me.
"You're unbelievable, do you know that?" I exclaimed. I raised my eyebrow at him
"Yeah, I already knew that" he said then he winked at me.
I rolled my eyes on hime. Nakakailang irap na ba ako. He makes me unwell, damn.
"Why is that ang hot mong umirap Mimi, mas lalo tuloy akong naiinlove, yeah" he said.
"Ano ako tubig? Maganda ko noh, tanga ka lng para hindi mo nakita yun dati" I said. Pinagpatuloy ko na yung ginawa. Actually I'm done at wiring , pag trim nalng at pag aayos ng wire nalng ang gagawin ko.
"Yeah, I'm so stupid that time, kaya nga bumabawi ako eh," he said then he winked again. Nako ah, mukha ba akong cheap para kindat kindatan.
"Pede ba, tigil tigilan mo yang pag kindat mo. Para ka kaseng engot" I irritately said. He just smiled widely at me.
"Ok eto nlng" he's raising his two eyebrows two times.
My face crumpled at him. He just continues doing that thing.
"Whatever, tapusin mo na yang ginagawa mo hindi yung nagpapacute ka dyan tss" I rolled my eyes on him at pinagpatuloy ko ang ginagawa ko.
"Yes Mam!" at narinig ko ang mahina nyang bungisngis.
Nako, dinadaan daan nya ako sa ginagawa nya.Kala nya ah
'eh ako nga kinikilig eh hehe'---my inner self chastised
Shut up ok. Ngayong hindi pa ako nakakamove on. Yeah mga 80% palang ang nagagawa ko. Mahirap mag move on pag mahal mo parin ang tao pero sa tingin ko ayoko na. Nagawa nya akong saktan,magagawa nya ulit yun.
Mabilis kong pinag puputol ang mga cable ties. Hindi ko alam yung pakiramdam ko eh. Somehow I like when he's there and a part of me that I don't. I don't know where these feelings lead me to. Ayoko namang gumawa ng mga desisyon na madalian.
I've been in the shadow of pain, hatred, and anger for more than 5 years and actually I want to free myself from those emotions that make me struggled. It's hard to live; it's hard to move on when there are things that keeps on pulling you back.
I looked at him. I saw the face of my first love and my first heart break. And I don't know, I don't know what I'm going to do with him. Now I ask myself with these non hypothetical questions. Mahal ko pa ba siya? Kaya mo ba na mawala siya? .............. I don't know.... Hindi ko pa alam.
