Dark Paradise || N.H

10: Looking for answers

“What are you- dad.. I can't..” I stopped following him when he got to the front door, I knew what he was going to do next. He was going to walk outside and expect me to follow him. But I can't, I spent a whole year behind the walls of this structure I once called my home. I never attempted to leave because truthfully I have nowhere to go. I'm not even sure if I can leave.. “Yes you can son. C'mon” he waved me over with a smile, I hesitated but before I knew it I was taking a step outside. The fresh air invaded my senses and for a second I felt a little bit alive. But can I even leave the yard? I've never attempted any of these things because I know there's a reason why I never found peace, a higher power has sentenced me with the punishment of walking amongst the living.. So why would I be give the privilege to leave the walls of my old home? I should be thankful enough that I can even talk to Gemmy, but that's a punishment on it's own. I can talk to her but never know if her skin feels as smooth as it looks, if her hair is as soft as it falls down her back.. I will never know if her lips taste as sweet as they appear..

“See that wasn't so hard, was it?” My father brought me back form my torturous thoughts.

“Where exactly are we going?” I ignored his question. “It's a surprise” he smiled and began walking. I followed behind slowly and when I got to the edge of the drive way I stopped. “What's wrong?” he asked when he realized he had left me behind. “Am I- I mean can I leave the yard?” I felt almost stupid for asking, does my father even have ties to a higher power? He has to if he's here.. And that same higher power is keeping him from telling me what he knows. “Of course you can, you just never tried.. You could have left all this time if you wanted to” he answered my unspoken thoughts, and started walking ahead as I took yet another first step into the world I had been so desperate to get out of.

We walked in silence as I watched people pass right by me, not noticing me or my father for a second. As we came to a stop at the corner, my dad looked at me over his shoulder and I was curious to why he had stopped. Are we far from where ever it is we're going? If it is how will we get there?

“So how-” I began to speak my mind but I was cut off, “Take my hand” he instructed and I took it reluctantly, it brought me back to the memory of when he used to take me to the park to play soccer. I was only about 7 or 8 but that day is still fresh in my mind. “Ready?” He asked bringing me back from my memory I looked at him confused, ready for what? I was beyond confused.. My dad chuckled slightly never breaking eye contact with me and before I knew it we were no longer on the corner of our old block. We were standing in front of the local hospital.. 

“Dad..” I began to oppose.

“Trust me” he reassured and he started heading towards the entrance.

Niall and Nick were best friends ? Why didn't he tell me? We talked about Nick last night and he acted completely surprised by the information like it was all new to him. Why would he keep this from me? “What's wrong?” Nick broke through my clouded thoughts. “Nothing.. he just looks familiar” I cleared my throat and a crease formed between his brows. “Maybe you knew him” he shrugged not looking to surprised or eager for information like I was. “Maybe.. um what was his name?” I was solely asking to further confirm that this was Niall, I mean he's identical it must be him.. “His name was Niall..” He tensed a little and would not keep my stare. Even as I hear the words come out of his mouth I still find it hard to believe.. I mean I know Niall went to school here but.. I dunno I guess I keep forgetting he's not just my little secret, well he is but he did exist once.. “How long did you know each other?” I gulped as my heart rate started decreasing... I wonder if he can tell how anxious I am. What if he can tell I can see him? No that's impossible, the whole situation is impossible when it comes to Niall.. “Since I was a sophomore here.. He was a senior so I guess one school year but we always kept in touch after he graduated.. Hung out and stuff” he cleared his throat and wiped his nose, his eyes looked as glossy as before and I knew he was struggling to keep the tears back. They must have been really close if he's still so shook up about it.. “Oh, that's nice” is all I could think I say and I felt so insensitive. But the whole thing was news to me, I need to have a serious talk with Niall. We've been talking for hours on end during the dark hours of the night but I still don't know much about him.. I've held back on asking him the details of his death because I thought he'd tell me when he's ready but I'm curious.. And he kept Nick a secret from me, if he was his best friend why keep him a secret?