Dark Paradise || N.H

13: Your my start to something new

I don't know where the boldness in me came form but I found myself lacing my fingers with Niall's. His eyes switched between me and the contact of our hands. I closed my eyes to see if this wasn't another dream, like so many others. When I opened my eyes once more I couldn't help but swallow down the knot in my throat that had begun to form. I have dreamt of this for as long as I've known him... Which isn't that long really, but I just feel this connection with him. It's almost unbearable not knowing why, and even more unbearable that I wasn't able to physically reach out to him.

“Gem..” Niall's chest rises and falls quickly, his breathing shallow. He can't believe it either... “Niall” I choke and I can't take this small amount of contact anymore, I move from my seated position and wrap my arms around his neck. I half expected not to feel him anymore.. That maybe it was a sort of preview but it's not. “Gemmy” his voice cracks as his arms wrap around me, holding me tight. He lets out small sobs and I can't help the tears streaming down my face. He feels just how I imagined he would, I take in his scent and it brings more tears to my eyes. He smells heavenly, a mix of cologne and sweet vanilla.

I pull back from the hug and run my fingers through his blonde hair, examining every inch of his face. Committing each detail to memory like a mother would with their child, “Gemmy what are you doing?” he almost sounds amused, “I'm just making sure this is real.. I-” my heart jumps at the thought of confessing my dreams to him.. “You what?” his blue eyes mirror mine as my hand softly caresses his face, running my finger tips over his brow and down the side of his face. Finding their way to his thin pink lips.. His eyes flutter at my touch, as his hands run up and down my back. On my knees between his legs, the sun coming to full rise, I take his face in my hands. “Niall..” my voice is shaky, his eyes shoot open and lock with mine, i'm debating whether or not I should place a small kiss to his lips. Would he like that? Does he even want it? I rest my forehead to his and his eyes flutter closed, his lashes just tickle my cheek.

I can barely hear myself breathing, over the loud thumping of my heart. I have this overwhelming happiness but it goes hand in hand with my fear and insecurities.. Gemmy's soft hands hold my face in place, and they feel just as I imagined they would.. My hands run up her back, and make their way to her hair. Running my finger through it, it slips through my fingers like silk.. “N-Niall..” she breathes my name once more, my hands finding their way back to her hips. “Gemmy” I breathe as her nose brushes mine, is she going to kiss me? I want her too.. But only if it's what she wants.. I can't help but think she'd just caught up in the moment and this is all out of pity. Trying to reassure me of myself after telling her what happened with my mother. If she really knew the whole story, not just the parts I allowed her to hear, she wouldn't be doing this.. Why would she want to? I'm me..

My eyes flutter open and hers close, her lashes fanned over her cheeks she inches closer and I run my hand over the side of her face, removing the loose strands of hair. She's the most beautiful human being I have ever seen, she can't possibly want me.. “Gemmy.. I..” my hands found her shoulders as I pushed her back.. and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from curing myself.

I felt my heart drop when I realized Niall was pushing me away, and in that very moment I wanted to fling myself out the window. I sat back on my heels and looked down at my hands in lap, what if this was the only chance he has to feel.. What if it's the only chance I have? We've both just ruined it, I should of controlled myself.. What the hell is wrong with me? Not that he wanted to kiss me anyway that much is clear. Instead I ended up embarrassed and he ended up looking like a jerk.. The loud ringing of my alarm clock scared me and without another word I got up to get ready for school. “Gemmy” Niall sighed, sounding frustrated probably in himself for pushing me away but I can't blame him I asked for it. “What?” I half barked as my fist slammed down onto the snooze button of my clock.