Dark Paradise || N.H

23: The Secrets Out

“The – night of the robbery where you you worked..” the words fall from my lips as I piece it all together. That's why he didn't want to tell me. He was – is – ashamed of his decisions. Niall thinks he took the easy way out and he was afraid i'd leave because of it.

“I'm so sorry – wait, how did you know?” he sits up as his sobs grow shorter and quieter by the minute.

“Nick – but that's not important right now. You have nothing to be sorry for” I gulp as I try to compose the mush inside my head. So much information, so little time. “You were shot – you were being robbed” I stutter.

“Fucking Nick” he growls and pulls at his hair.

“Niall – stop. Just listen to me – none of what happened that night was selfish. Your not a coward” I forget that I can't touch him anymore and awkwardly tuck some of my hair behind my ear. Why is this happening?

“I could have easily let them – take what they wanted but I didn't” he says between shallow breaths, “I could have lived if I had wanted to” he starts to sob again.

My heart aches and my body yearns to crawl up beside him and just hold him. I want him to know this revelation doesn't mask my better judgement. It never did, in fact I thought it was brave of him.

“Niall you saved a life and gave up your own” I attempt to make a break through, “Your not a coward, your a hero” I sniff, and try as hard as I can to keep from crying.

I look up through my tears at her understanding expression. The sincerity of her judgement is clear. She doesn't think I'm a coward like I had assumed she would. She's known all this time and she continued to fight for me.

“A hero?” I almost half laugh, “I am not a hero, I stood there anxiously planning when I'd fight the guy for the gun because I knew it was bound to go off” I clench my jaw to keep from screaming.

“No!” she yells over me, barely giving me a chance to finish my sentence. She looks behind her taking precaution on the amount of noise we're making. I had forgotten we aren't the only ones here.

“Your not a coward, you a hero!” she keeps her tone at a moderate level but her body language gives off just how much she's sick of this little dance we have going on. Why does she believe in me so much? Any other person would have left me long ago, without me having to tell my secrets.

That's just it though, Gemmy isn't just any person. She's my Gemmy, the strong, optimistic, intelligent, and incredibly beautiful Gemmy. Who despite everything still worries about me and my stupidity. She hasn't judged me yet, and here I am just pushing her away like I always do.

“Lets just say I am a hero” I gulp.

“You are” she sighs.

“Let me finish please Gem” I stare at the floor for a moment before looking her straight in the eyes. I'm thrown off by the amount of light in them. Only moments ago they seemed almost as lifeless as my own. She's got enough hope for the both of us I guess.

“Niall” she begins when I let my pause go far too long.

“Sorry – I” I sigh, “If I were really a hero, why would I be sentenced to this hell? To remain here, fall in love with you, be teased with the idea that I can attain you, then lose it all?” I question in the quietest of tones. Her eyes twinkle and finally a single tear rolls down her face.

“That to me is the biggest punishment of all. Honestly I could give a shit about the past year I wasted here mourning over myself and my lack of life. The day I saw you, I just knew I couldn't keep away, I had to know you, and I did.” I place a hand on the floor beside her leg and mentally curse myself. “Only to have lost you”