Dark Paradise || N.H

22: It's Shit Actually

I arrive at the familiar suburban home just a little past 1 in the afternoon. I had tried to stall my trip, not sure how I was going to face my family now that the truth was out. I wondered if Gramma Heather had called my parents and aunt Gene while I took the trip here.

If she did i'd be able to tell, my mom always gets squeaky whens she's trying to hold things together. I almost feel guilty that above all else I worry the most about Niall. Don't get me wrong, my family is important but I know everything will eventually be okay between us. Unlike with Niall, where everything is so uncertain.

My black and white keds dragged along the gravel driveway with each heavy step I took. I tried my hardest not to look up at my bedroom window, but I couldn't help it. I paused for a moment hoping I would see him there but he wasn't. Yet I could feel him watching me.

“Gemmy” my moms voices echoes down the drive way, as the door swings open.

“Hey” I sigh as she ran to me and engulfed me in a hug. That alone drove the tears from my eyes and I wrapped my arms around her. Gramma Heather is right, Melissa will always be my real mother.

“I missed you” she finally squeaked after our long embrace.

“I was only gone one night” I attempted to lighten the mood seeing as her squeaks gave her away.

“Yeah” she clears her throat, “But still” she smiles.

I returned it and we walked into the house in silence, where I was tackled in more hugs from my dad and aunt Gene.

***

I kept an ear out as I listened very closely to Gemmy and her family having some serious discussion. Yet as quiet as I remained I could just barely make out what they were saying. All I managed to put together were the quiet sobs and whispered 'I love you's'

I sat perched on the top of the steps as I waited for her to come upstairs. I didn't want to further intrude on whatever the hell's going on lately. I wish I could just ask her but what right do I have?

“I'm tired” Gemmy sighed as the sound of her steps got closer.

“It's alright babe, you need the rest. I love you” Her mother sniffed just before she climbed her way up and walked right past me.

I turned to watch her from where I remained seated. Her bright blue eyes seemed a little duller, lack of sleep clearly evident. Her hair wasn't as shiny as usual and she just looked stressed beyond compare. Completely drained.

I stood and walked over to her side as she threw her things from her bag on her bed. She seemed upset and all I want to do is reach out to her but then i'd be giving in. Finally she gave up unpacking and looked around the room, the sun has begun to set but the mix of pinks, orange and gold, still lit up the room.

“I know your there” she sighed and I focused my eyes on her face. My heart raced as I watched the curve of her beautifully sculptured mouth move.

“I need -” she began and swallowed hard, “I need you” she was trying so hard to be strong. Her strength and courage is really something to admire. I wish I could be as strong as her. Maybe that's why she makes me feel so much more. I've said it before, she makes me want to live. She's contagious that way I guess. I can't help thinking that's exactly the reason my dad wants me to let her in, he knows her strength is enough for the both of us. Maybe it is.

“Niall, please” she broke and flopped down on her bed and I couldn't stop myself.

“I'm here” is all I could think to say as I took a seat beside her and her dulled blue eyes found my own. Despite the lack of light in them, she still managed to make me feel so much alive when she looked at me that way.