Sunrise // a Bastille Dan Smith fanfic

24. Hindsight

Dan's POV

I sat there, baffled. I didn't have anything to say. We were going so well what went wrong?

She stormed past once again and slammed the door closed, making me jump out of my seat a little. Kyle stood there quietly, also not know what to do or say.

"Dan-" Kyle said slowly.

"Fuck off! You know what Kyle this started because of you. You-you and your stupid bullshit. This wouldn't have started if you just left me alone. And if you didn't go into my room and invade my privacy and use my laptop, to talk to my girlfriend, and to tell her you love her. It's pathetic." I argue.

"Dan, hear me out mate-"

"No. I'm leaving."

+

Two weeks later

I sat in my room, isolated in darkness, only a a small line of light shining through the curtains. I haven't left my room in-god knows how my many days.

Miserable was an understatement, should I have done what I had done?
...Yes. She cheated on me with Kyle.

It's been two weeks without her and I'm so used to being by her side all the time, this feels...weird. I miss her so much. I want to talk to her but I know she'll be angry and she doesn't want to talk to me.

I fucked up.

I haven't eaten much for the past month and a half, depending mostly saltine crackers, water and alcohol.
I didn't need to eat anymore, I'm too fat.

I attend my classes, barely. Turning up maybe half an hour late at most. Kyle and Ralph try to help me but it's no use. All of their bullshit is passed through one ear and out the other.

+

A year later

It's been exactly a year, and I know that for a fact. I've been counting and keeping track in a small notebook. Accompanied by some stupid lyrics.

365 days since she stormed out of the room.
365 days since I fucked up.
15 days since I've tried to call her.
14 days since I've been in contact with anyone.

I stared at my desk from across the room, where the denim jacket she gave me hung. It remained untouched, I used to wear it everyday but I feel like I've lost all the privilege to wear it.

"Dan....Dan!" Kyle shouted, he hasn't been here for almost two weeks, I didn't want to let him. But somehow he manages to find a way, I don't know how he keeps getting in. He never manages to get into my room. Thank god.

He busts the door open, bright light blinding me for a second. I squint and hold my hand up in attempt to block the light that was shining in.
"Dan mate, you can't keep living like this. You're killing yourself."
I roll my eyes and take another sip of the vodka.

Kyle knocks the bottle out of my hand and picks me up. "Dan. Listen to me, forget about it, it's in the past. Aurora, she's in London. Far away, you need to remember that. Now c'mon, Ralph and I are taking you out tonight, our treat. Get ready, were picking you up in an hour."
He then leaves, slamming the door shut behind him.
He's right. Aurora's gone. She never wants to talk to me again.

"We'll see each other in the future when we're older, we're going to be best friends forever." The young girl smiles.

"You promise?"

"I promise Danny."

+

With 30 minutes left till Kyle and Ralph pick me up I decide to get up. I originally wasn't going to go but knowing them they would drag me in whatever what I was wearing at that moment. So I get dressed, putting on some jeans and a red sweater.
I go to the mirror and get caught off guard. Jesus, what the hell happened to me.

I looked so pale, my eye bags were so prominent and I just looked...dead.

Funny how one thing can mess up everything completely.

+

The party was at its peak, everyone was drunk and dancing around. I roll my eyes and head straight to the drinks. Out of pure nervousness I down a couple of drinks. Not that I needed any, I was already drunk. I don't remember being sober at any point in the past few days. My body was numb but I could feel the alcohol kick in. I didn't need anymore, but I downed those shots like it was my water.

...wait, is that Rora?
"I missed you so much, why did I let you leave? I messed up." I slur, grabbing (the girl who I think is) Aurora to me. Our bodies pressed together as she pressed her lips onto mine. This felt different, they didn't feel like Aurora's lips.

"Let's go back to yours" she whispers. I nod and take her by the hand, guiding her to my dorm.

We entered the dimly lit room, our lips not leaving each other, in fear that we might loose one another.

...you can guess what happened next

+

A loud creak came from my bedroom floor. Even after all this time I always forget to drink water inbetween drinks, that's what Aurora always did, she would never, and I mean NEVER, get a hangover.

"How the fuck do you not have a hangover?" I groan, earning a small curse from someone. "Rora?"
The girl turns around slowly and gives me an apologetic smile. I bolt right up, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. This isn't Aurora. I've managed to fuck up even more.

"Oh-uh, right sorry. Do you er, want breakfast?" I say, scratching the back of my head.

"Yes please" she says politely, I could tell she was awkward about this too. I mean I don't even know how one night stands work.
"I'm Wendy by the way."

"Dan-Oh right, you probably have a headache. Here are some painkillers."

"Thank you" she smiles.

+

After eating breakfast we sat in silence, neither of us knowing what to say.
"I'm-uh, I'm gonna go. Thank you for the breakfast Dan." She blushes.

"No problem-oh uh by the way, do you want me to maybe drive you back to yours? Or do you want me to call you up a taxi?"

She fiddled with the things in her pocket, "shit." She mutters under her breath. "I'm so sorry for bothering you but yes could you please drop me off. I left my money back at my apartment. But don't worry I'll pay you back."

"No, no, no, it's fine, really. I don't mind."

+

After this, Aurora will never want to talk to me again.

In hindsight, I saw it coming. So why did I take the chance, thinking I could change the future?

Now I'm nothing. I've got nothing. I've lost my bestfriend and my girlfriend.
But it doesn't matter, because she cheated on me.

I don't care anymore. Fuck her, fuck this, fuck life.

I tried killing my feelings. Drowning them in mass amounts of alcohol and smoke. But instead my feelings killed me.

[[ hey there!

Guys unfortunately there is one more chapter to this book :(
But don't worry, there will be a sequel!
In the works as of now. It will be set in 2016.

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-Denise xx ]]