New Drug

Chapter 11

    I wasn't in denial about the fact that I was addicted to drugs. I knew I was and I accepted it, but I had never thought about how serious my addiction to drugs was. With my second day without drugs coming to an end, I found myself already suffering. My body and mind was craving the drugs I had been depending on for the past three years and I didn't know what to do as I laid in bed, thinking about the drugs stashed within the depths of my closet. 

It was hard to be left in this world without anything to clear your mind. I was laying in bed and all I could think about was everything I didn't want to think about. Everything of the past I tried to stash deep within my heart with drugs. Those thoughts were coming out now and I was freaking out.

Son of a bitch. Those words suddenly entered my mind and anger filled me. Useless child were the next words I heard and I sat up quickly, feeling as if someone had punched me, which I soon imagined my dad doing, leaving me gasping for breath. I had tried so hard to forget my dad's words and actions, and I thought I had. But, clearly I hadn't. Drugs had just suppressed them until now.

    Flashbacks of my past, of when dad lived with us, suddenly entered my mind. And unable to bear it, I was running to my closet, digging through my stuff, and grabbing my drugs. I then threw on a jacket and ran outside, wanting to smoke. I wanted to forget so badly.

*****

    It was late so there wasn't anyone at the park, which left me thankful. Not in the mood to hide, I went over to the swing set and sat. Pulling out my blunt, I wondered if the thrill of swinging would be enhanced when I was high, just like any other blissful feeling.

I pulled out my lighter and then just paused to stare at what I held. I knew drugs weren't good and I knew they were my weakness, but yet, they were my saviour. Drugs were what kept me sane.

   So, I lit the blunt, mentally telling Mom and Hayley that I was sorry. I couldn't do this. Not for them and not for anyone else.

    But before I could smoke the blunt, I heard sudden laughter. I paused and tried to hide my blunt, knowing I could go to jail for smoking weed. My eyes then searched for the owner of the laughter and that was when I saw Hayley.

   My eyes flew wide as I saw her of all people, and with a dog. She was playing with it, laughing as it chased her. Her laughter was pure and beautiful, genuine, and I couldn't help but stare at her amazed. I had thought she only looked happy around Dylan, but clearly I was wrong.

   Turned out, Hayley was capable of being happy with whoever and whatever she loved. It was clear as she laughed and played with her dog, petting it and smiling wide. And seeing that, my heart felt warm. It hurt a little too because I knew I had almost thought that drugs were more important that being with her. I had almost messed things up and I was regretting it as I wished Hayley would be like that with me.

    But that didn't change my issue. I still needed drugs and I needed advice on how not to depend on them. How not to think of the dark past I had.

   Knowing there was only one person who had shared my past, I got up and began to head home. Mom had lived the same life as me, been through worse actually, but she lived life without the help of any substance. She was sufficing on her own and I needed tips from her.

*****

"Mom," I said, plopping down next to her on the couch. "I need help."