New Drug

Chapter 3

Today I knew I needed to skip. After only smoking a single blunt at lunch yesterday, I desperately needed some weed and me time. That was why I skipped Physics, knowing that class was pretty pointless. All the teacher did was talk and I never listened because it was boring.

With my hood up and my hands shoved into my jeans pockets, I went to my car. As usual, I sat on the hood of it and pulled out my blunt, grinning eagerly at the sight of it. The paper was small, plain, and its contents weren't exactly attractive. Yet, this single object gave me an unexplainable delight.

Pulling out my lighter, I then lit the tip of the blunt. Without any restraint I then shoved the opposite end of it into my mouth and inhaled the toxic smoke. I knew that the smoke itself was dangerous, yet I didn't care. It wasn't like I wanted to live for long anyways.

   I sat on my car, smoking for a few minutes. On average it took me five minutes to get high, so I waited patiently for the feeling to overtake me. To control me and turn me into this person with no fears. No worries or insecurities. I loved that person and I wished there was a way to permanently become him.

   The time finally came and I was high. My mind was numb of dark thoughts and I started thinking of odd, pleasant things. And during all this, I felt on top of the world. For no reason at all, I felt happy and that was exactly why I loved getting high.

   "Really? Again?" A familiar female voice suddenly asked.

   Slowly, I turned my head to see who had spoken. A lazy grin formed on my mouth when I spotted Hayley glaring at me, looking as cute as usual. My mind went to her and unable to control my thoughts from leaving my mouth, I laughed randomly.

    "God," I said. "You're so cute."

    "Excuse me?" Her eyebrows rose. "What did you say?"

   "You're adorable." I grinned. "Pretty. Pretty eyes too. You're... Pretty."

    She scoffed and narrowed her eyes at me, looking annoyed. Barely registering it, I kept grinning like an idiot. The sight of her caused this fuzzy feeling to form within me, so I just kept talking.

    "I can't believe I never noticed such a pretty thing like you," I continued rambling. "I mean I'm usually more of a brunette kind of guy, but you're hella cute."

   "Stop trying to suck up to me," Hayley suddenly snapped. "It's not going to help."

   I cocked my head. "Help?"

   "Stop doing drugs." She planted her hands on her hips, giving me a stern look. "It's not cool."

   "I think it's pretty cool. I mean, how I feel is pretty cool. You should try it."

   "Never!" she spat venomously.

   My eyebrows shot up at her words, surprised by how much hate were in them. If I wasn't high I probably would have began to ignore her, but because I was I kept talking.

"Do you know what?" I asked, still grinning. "I can't stop thinking about you. Ever since the last time you told me off, I can't help but notice you."

   Hayley went silent for a second and suddenly, I registered what I said. For a single second I was able to focus and blood rushed into my cheeks. I messed up. I had humiliated myself.

    "I know you're lying," Hayley suddenly said. "But, if you're not I think you should know that it would never work out between us. Trust me."

   Once those words were out, Hayley turned around and walked off, going back into the school. I watch her, unable to help it. Even though I couldn't quite focus, I noticed every last thing about her. Every single thing she said was stuck on my mind and closing my eyes, I tried to convince myself I wasn't screwed.

*****

    I wasn't high anymore and Carter and I were in Calculus class. With what happened and Hayley in my class, my cheeks reddened. My heart raced as I remembered how I acted and groaning, I realized I might have a crush. For the first time in seventeen years, I had a crush on a girl.

   "What's wrong man?" Carter asked next to me. "Hayley?"

   "Yeah," I admitted immediately, wanting to let it out. "I... Man. I don't know what's wrong with me."

   I then proceeded to tell Carter about what happened and with wide eyes, he digested every word. My heart felt lighter as I let everything out, but still I felt stressed. I felt frustrated because I didn't get crushes. I didn't do romance. The most I did was be with a girl physically, and that didn't involve any feelings at all. So why all of the sudden was I unable to stop thinking about some girl?

"Dude," Carter said when I finished my tale. "You're screwed."

"I don't understand." I groaned. "Why now? Why her?"

My cheeks felt hot at the mention of her. I had completely humiliated myself in front of her and from her hostile looks in class, I knew she hated me. I didn't stand a chance with her, so I questioned why.

"People fall in love at the craziest times," Carter answered, shrugging. "As for why her, I have no idea. All I can say is... Good luck."

I put my hands in my hair and pulled, frustrated. This seriously couldn't be happening.

"She hates me," I whined. "She hates the fact that I do drugs. It's never going to work."

"So better let her break your heart now," Carter said. "Before it gets serious and you catch some serious feelings."

I didn't say anything. This was too much. I, who would never settle down or be in a serious relationship couldn't possibly care for a near stranger. It was too out of this world and I knew I should follow Carter's advice, but for some reason the idea made me uneasy. It was almost like I didn't want my heart to be broken by her, which made me groan. I was so screwed.

   "I don't know man," I said, sighing. "I'll forget about her soon. Somehow."

   "Do you have a plan?" he asked.

   "No." I leaned back and looked up at the ceiling. "But I'm good at forgetting. This will be easy."

   Carter nodded, understanding, and I was thankful. Thinking of Hayley then, I knew I could forget about her. If I could forget about my past, forgetting the present would be a piece of cake. Knowing that, I let myself breathe.