New Drug

Chapter 20

    I didn't know why, but I was actually taking Hayley's advice seriously. Maybe it was because of her tale or maybe it was because I knew I needed to quit, but I'd been taking less drugs. I didn't skip as much as well.

    I was in Calculus, doing my homework and Carter was sitting beside me. I kept my eyes glued to my homework, not wanting to see Hayley and Dylan together. The sight of them was always bothersome.

     As I worked, I felt like someone was staring at me. Someone close. So looking to my left, I saw that Carter was the one who was.

    "What?" I asked, frowning.

    "You're in class more often and you don't reek of weed," Carter said, looking curious. "What's changed?"

    Staring at him, I realized we really hadn't talked in so long. Ever since I started doing drugs again, we had become distant. Sighing, I wanted that to change.

    "I'm trying to quit again," I said, causing his eyes to widen. "And this time I'm taking it slow. Slowly I'm decreasing the amount I take every day."

    Carter stared at me, seeming stunned. I looked away, feeling oddly embarrassed.

    "Really?" Carter asked, his voice soft. "You're quitting again?"

    "Yeah," I answered.

    "I'm proud of you." He broke out into a grin. "I know this time you'll break your habit."

I grinned back, glad Carter, my best friend, was back. All our tension had disappeared and I was left to feel relieved. Quitting drugs seemed like the right thing to do so far.

"Are you going to tell your mom?" Carter suddenly asked, catching me off guard.

My heart dropped at the thought of Mom and how we didn't talk anymore. It hurt and with my drug intake decreasing, her distance from me hurt a lot. And I knew if I told her that I quit drugs she would be thrilled and we'd be close again, but yet, I wasn't going to tell her anytime soon.

"No, I'm not," I said.

"Why?" he asked, frowning.

"Well the last time I tried quitting I gave her false hope and that crushed her." My gut twisted at the memory of her sobbing. "I don't want to do that to her again, so I'm going to wait until I'm completely clean and will remain that way."

    Carter's eyes softened. "Makes sense. Your mom will be so happy when you tell her."

   I gave him a sad smile. "I know."

*****

    "It's been a while," Hayley said, smiling as she sat beside me on the hood of my car. "How have you been?" 

    "Good," I said honestly. "Better."

    Hayley raised her eyebrows, her eyes questioning what I meant. I began to smile, knowing I would make her proud as well. 

"I've been following your advice," I said, causing Hayley's eyes to widen. "And I guess it's working."

    "You are?" She seemed really shocked. "You're actually trying to quit again?"

    "Yeah."

    "Oh my god!" She suddenly threw her arms around me, catching me off guard. "I'm so proud of you Logan! Thank you! Thank you so much!"

    Hayley suddenly let go when she realized what she did. Blushing, she looked away, seeming embarrassed. I blushed as well and my heart raced at what happened. This was the first time she had touched me first.

    "Seriously Logan, I'm so happy for you," Hayley said quietly.

    "Let's just hope I keep it up," I said, eyes softening as I looked at her. 

    "How's it been so far?"

    "I guess good. I don't feel starved of drugs and I don't feel the urge to smoke more than necessary, which seems like a good sign," I said. "But..."

    "But?"

    I took a deep breath in. If this had been anyone else, I wouldn't dare tell. But because it was Hayley and she had told me she would help, I was able to admit the truth.

    "I don't think I can quit completely," I said honestly. "I can decrease the amount I smoke, but quitting completely seems impossible. Drugs are a huge part of my life and they've proven to be a great distraction. Quitting drugs completely would alter my lifestyle and this time, I don't think sheer will can keep me going without drugs."

    Hayley nodded, seeming to understand what I was saying. I was surprised but thankful, and my heart lightened. I knew why I liked Hayley now.

    She was understanding, sweet, and enjoyable to talk to. Although she was often blunt and too opinionated, those were the parts of her that you could overlook. Nobody was perfect and that was made us humans. Hayley was human as could be and I liked that. I liked how real she was.

    "What you need is a hobby," Hayley eventually said. "Something that'll keep you busy. What are you interested in?"

    "Nothing... But drugs," I said sheepishly.

     Hayley narrowed her eyes at me and she shook her head. I flushed, slightly embarrassed. Sometimes I had to admit I was a sad excuse of a human.

    "Seriously, nothing?" she asked, seeming unable to believe that. "You don't do anything in your free time?"

    "I... I used to hang out with my mom and watch shows," I pitched in. "I guess I like watching things."

    "Then movies!" Hayley exclaimed. "Why don't you binge on movies and use that as a distraction."

    I thought back to what Mom said. Shows were her distraction. That was how she stopped dwelling on Dad. Maybe binging on movies would work.

    "I might just try that," I said honestly. 

"You should, Logan," Hayley said, eyes softening. "I know you'll reach your goal this time."

"How can you be so sure?" I asked, curious.

"Because this time you're quitting for yourself. Not for me, not for your mom, but for yourself." She smiled. "You actually want to do this, so I have a feeling you'll stay motivated."

I stared at her, thinking that was true. Last time I had quit for Hayley and Mom, but this time I was quitting for myself. I wanted to be healthy and alive, so I had decided to quit drugs. Knowing those two things could be affected if I didn't quit, I felt more motivated.

"You're right," I said, smiling. "Okay, I'll find a distraction. I'll make sure I don't get into drugs again."

"Good," Hayley said. "I know you can do it."

Grinning, I was glad to have her supporting me. It was uplifting and even though I didn't have a chance with her, a part of me still hoped that quitting drugs would change something between us. At the very least, I hoped it would make us friends. Because of that, I began to take quitting seriously.