New Drug

Chapter 21

    I was a halfway through the movie, Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone, and I didn't feel distracted at all. Instead of focusing on the movie, I was thinking about drugs. I had smoked once today and because I wanted to save my second smoke for later, I was fighting off the urge to smoke. Admittedly, it was hard to fight it off. 

    Mom wasn't home, so I was all alone at home. She had purposely went out when she saw me on the couch, which hurt a lot. It still hurt now, which was probably why I wanted to smoke. To forget my pain, smoking was what helped.

    Staring at the movie, I told myself to stop thinking about Mom and drugs. Watching movies was supposed to be my hobby. It was supposed to be what distracted me from my urges. But so far, it wasn't working.

    Sighing, I suddenly felt helpless and that was when Dad popped into my mind. He had always made me feel helpless. Because I couldn't help Mom or myself around him, I felt like I couldn't do anything. I hated that feeling and with that feeling filling me, I yearned for my drugs. I needed them to forget.

    I knew I needed to stop doing that. If I ever wanted to be clean, I had to stop depending on drugs to help me. So taking a deep breath in, I closed my eyes, hoping to relax.

    When I didn't relax, I quickly pulled out my phone from my pocket. I couldn't bare being alone with my urge to smoke, so I needed someone with me. Someone, who had proven to be quite helpful.

Calling Hayley, I became thrilled when she picked up immediately. She really was someone who cared.

"Hey Hayley," I said, my heart racing as I became anxious.

"Hey Logan," Hayley said, her voice soft. "Is everything alright?"

"Honestly, no. I'm all alone and... I really need someone. Will you be that someone?"

"Of course. I'll be over soon."

Closing my eyes, I felt relieved. I also found my heart racing, even though I knew I should stop feeling that way about Hayley. I just couldn't help it since she was so sweet. No one would've came over at such a sudden request, but she was willing to. Without any explanation, Hayley was willing to be at my side.

    In twenty minutes, Hayley reached my house. I opened the door for her and smiled, feeling suddenly nervous. The apartment room I lived in was small and untidy, which made me realize I should've cleaned before she came.

    "Hey," Hayley said, smiling as she entered.

    "Hey," I said, flushing all of the sudden.

    I turned around, hoping she wouldn't notice the blush in my cheeks. Walking over to the couch, I then plopped down, hoping she would follow. Hayley did and I sighed lightly, thankful she understood my subtle moves.

    As we sat, we didn't say anything for a moment. We stared at the movie playing in front of us and I glanced at Hayley, wondering what to say. There was a lot I had to say, but I didn't know how to begin.

    "Logan, if there's something bothering you, you can tell me," Hayley said suddenly, surprising me.

    Without thinking it through, I blurted out, "How do you stop hurting? How do you stop the pain you've been feeling for years?"