New Drug

Chapter 19

I was sitting in silence with Carter at lunch. Things had turned awkward between us ever since I started doing drugs again. And because of that, a part of me was actually wondering if I should let Hayley help me. My life had become worse ever since I started drugs again, so I knew that maybe I should try to quit.

But, I didn't want to quit drugs. In the end of the day they helped me. A lot. So I wasn't sure which was better; having drugs or having the people I cared about in my life.

But suddenly, someone blocked my view. Looking up, I saw that it was Hayley, looking as serious as ever. Her hands were on her hips and she was staring down at me.

"Come with me," Hayley demanded.

I blinked. "Why?"

Hayley suddenly grabbed my arm, surprising me. She pulled me forward and I stared at her with wide eyes. What was she doing?

"Come on, Logan," Hayley said, her eyes pleading.

    Seeing her look like that made something in me snap. I got up then and let her drag me outside, not caring about what she wanted. I knew it was probably about my addiction and I didn't want to deal with it at the moment, but because it was Hayley I agreed.

    Hayley dragged me out to the parking lot and she brought me to my car. I frowned at that, wondering why she brought me there of all places. At least the parking lot was empty, which made me relax. 

    "Why are we at my car?" I asked.

    "I don't know," she said, shrugging. "I guess this is where we usually talk so I thought we'd be more comfortable here."

    A part of me felt delighted, knowing Hayley paid attention to the little things when we were together. But then I told myself that she was taken and she had broken my heart, which led to me growing upset. I had no idea why I still spent time with her. Especially when thinking about her being unavailable hurt.

    Hayley went over to my car and sat on the hood of it. I stared at her, noting how comfortable she seemed. She then patted the spot next to her, raising her eyebrows as if to tell me to hurry. Sighing, I went over to her side and sat down.

    "So, lesson one on quitting drugs," Hayley said, causing my eyes to widen. "Don't-"

    "Whoa, wait," I cut in. "I never said I would quit drugs."

"But you said I can help you." She raised her eyebrows. "And this is me helping you, Logan. Just listen to my advice."

I stared at her, unable to believe how pushy she was. Hayley was a sweet soul at times, but she also had this side that was so frustrating. Sadly, I liked both sides.

"Okay, lesson one," Hayley began again. "Quitting an addiction is not about throwing whatever you're addicted to away, it's about taking baby steps to forget the thing you're addicted to."

"What do you mean?" I asked, curious.

"You don't need to quit drugs completely right away," Hayley said. "Just don't take as much as you usually do one day. And from that day on, continue taking less drugs each day until you don't take them at all."

To be honest, I immediately thought that that wouldn't work. I needed to throw drugs away immediately to quit, not slowly drag it out. That seemed more painful.

"That seems whack," I told Hayley honestly. "I'm addicted to drugs. Taking less would be more painful than quitting altogether because once I get a taste of drugs, I want more."

"But quitting altogether is what makes you a ticking time bomb," Hayley shot back. "You're always going to think about drugs while you're clean and you're going to crave them. Your body will feel starved of them and one day, you're just going to blow up and smoke until you overdose. If I'm not wrong, that did happen. Didn't it?"

I looked away, flushing because she was right. When I had quit drugs, I had always thought about them and felt starved. And then I did blow up after Hayley rejected me and smoked much more than usual. But the thing was, there was a factor that caused me to smoke again.

"But that was because of you," I said bitterly. "You hurt me so I resorted to drugs to forget the pain. I was doing fine when it came to quitting drugs until you... Hurt me."

    "I didn't mean to hurt you," Hayley said quietly, looking guilty. "You know that, right?"

    "Are you dating Dylan?" I suddenly asked, wanting a clear answer to that.

    I knew. I knew she was, but still I wanted her to confirm it. For some reason I had hope for us and I needed to kill it.

    "Yes," Hayley said, looking down. "I'm dating Dylan."

    My heart hurt, but I forced a smile. I already knew that, so I didn't know why I was growing upset.

    "Congrats," I said bitterly. "You guys are a nice pair."

    "You'll find someone." Hayley looked back at me, her eyes sad. "You're a good guy."

    I didn't know what to say to that. Looking away, questions swarmed my mind and with Hayley at my side, I wanted to ask them. Feeling gutsy, I decided to.

    "Why are you so determined to help me?" I asked. "Why does my habit impact your life so much?"

    Hayley looked at me and she seemed sad. I was about to say never mind, but she shook her head as if sensing what I was about to say. Closing my mouth, I prepared for her answer.

    "I knew someone," she said, looking down. "He was someone I really cared about and he was an incredible guy. Smart, kind, athletic, and so much more. He had been annoyingly perfect, but for some reason he wasn't happy and he got into drugs when he entered high school."

    Hayley paused. She looked visibly upset and I wanted to tell her that it was okay and that she didn't need to finish, but I also knew that it would be good for her to let it off her chest. Hayley was a strong person, but everyone needed to break down here and there.

"And one day, he overdosed," she whispered, seeming to force the words out. "He died immediately and I... I didn't get to say goodbye."

Hayley teared up and I put a hand on hers. She looked at me and gave an appreciative smile, and I nodded. Even if she couldn't be mine, I still wanted the best for her.

"So all his potential was wasted because of stupid drugs," Hayley said. "And now I can't stand drugs. I can't stand how they ruin others, so that's why I hate your habit. Drugs destroy and Logan, I don't want you getting destroyed. You have so much going for you. Trust me."

Her words got to me, I had to admit. Although I wasn't happy, I never wanted to die. And if drugs led to that, maybe they weren't worth it. Even if they gave me temporary happiness, that wasn't worth it in the long run.

So squeezing her hand, I said, "Tell me more about quitting slowly."

Hayley looked at me and began to smile. I smiled back and Hayley began to talk. We didn't just talk about drugs, we also talked about ourselves and I found myself enjoying myself. It was possible to be happy without drugs. I just needed to work on it.