New Drug

Chapter 7

I knew I had been lying to myself as I stared at Hayley in Physics. She was all I could think about and I knew I wasn't over her. At this point, I wondered if I would ever be over her as no matter what she did, my eyes still went to her.

I dropped my head to my desk and banged my forehead on it lightly. There had to be some way to forget her. Somehow I had to get her out of my system.

I was beginning to feel stressed, so I made plans to skip Calculus and smoke outside. Smoking was my stress reliever and I really needed it now.

*****

I sat on the hood of my car and looked at my surroundings. The parking lot was empty of life and with winter nearing, the leaves on the trees nearby were falling. Everything was dying and I told myself not to think about how depressing that was. Because once I started thinking about depressing things, there was no stopping me.

    Pulling out my blunt, I sighed, thankful I was smart enough to prepare my blunts beforehand. I then pulled out my lighter and went to light it. My heart began to race with the thrill of the idea of getting high. Of forgetting and distressing, which was what I really needed.

     But before I could put my blunt into my mouth, I heard the voice I was learning to recognize say, "I knew I would find you here."

    I turned my head and saw Hayley standing at the side of my car. Her hands were on her hips and she was glaring at me, looking disgusted. Too tired to deal with her, I didn't bother to hide my annoyance.

    "What do you want?" I asked, sighing. "Seriously, why are you always somehow here?"

    "Why are you never in class?" she asked.

    "Why do you care?" I shot back.

    She rolled her eyes, but sighed. She walked over to where I sat and gave me a look that caused me to freeze. To my utter surprise, Hayley looked sad.

    "I don't care," she said, allowing her eyes to harden. "I just hate having our teacher question us on where you are."

    "Why don't you just tell her where I am?" I asked, staring at her hazel eyes. "You do know the specific spot. Just rat me out and I'll be suspended."

    I knew I was in a bad mood and I knew I was taking it out on her, but Hayley didn't seem fazed by my attitude. She just stared at me, seeming to analyze me. Her eyes made me nervous.

    "What?" I snapped, hating how my heart was racing. "Why are you staring at me?"

    "Are you mad at me?" she asked. "Cause of yesterday?"

    "No." I looked away. "Just leave me alone. Please."

    I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling exhausted. All I wanted was to get high and Hayley wasn't letting me. She was distracting me and causing my heart to race, which was bothersome.

    "Fine, I will," Hayley said, surprising me.

    My head flew to look at her. I was shocked that she had agreed so easily, but when I saw that her hand was extended towards me, I blinked. Obviously she wasn't that simple.

    "But first, give me the blunt," she said, reaching for it in my hand.

    "No," I said, pulling back my hand. "It's mine."

    "I'll only leave when you give it to me." Her eyes hardened. "It's either I stay and the blunt I won't allow you to smoke will stay, or the blunt and I will both leave."

    "You can go and I'll stay here with my blunt. This isn't related to you in any way. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

    Hayley grew frustrated as she huffed. She reached over me, trying to grab the blunt. I held it up high and because she was short, there was no way for her to reach it. She knew that and grabbed my shirt, pulling my face near hers. I blushed at how close we were.

    "Give me the goddamn blunt," she hissed, looking straight into my eyes.

   My heart was pounding and I wanted her gone, but I wouldn't let her win. No one got in the way of me and my drugs. My drugs that literally saved me.  

    "No," I snapped. "Jesus Christ Hayley. I do drugs. This is my life. It doesn't affect you in any way, so leave me alone."   

    I pulled away from Hayley abruptly and got off of my car. I took a few steps away from her and then turned to face her. Hayley looked furious.

    "I'm not going to leave you alone," she said. "Not until you stop taking drugs."

    "You're infuriating, do you know that?" I glared a her.

    "Tell me something I don't know." She scowled. "Now, do I get to stay here with you and your blunt or do your blunt and I get to go? Your choice."

   I didn't know what to say. At this point, I knew Hayley wouldn't give in. She was just too stubborn and frustrating and oddly, I almost respected her. It took guts not to give in.

    So without a word, I went over to my car and sat on the hood of it again. I just sat there and held my blunt in my hand as I stared at the ground, wondering what would happen next. And before I knew it, Hayley had moved to sit next to me.

    We sat side-by-side without saying a word. It was clear. As long as I had the blunt, Hayley would stay. She wouldn't let me smoke it and that left us sitting together in peace. The sick part of me was enjoying having my crush at my side, but the other part of me felt exasperated.

    "Logan, you don't need drugs," Hayley eventually said. "I don't know why you take drugs, but I know you don't need them. They'll just ruin you in the end."

    I had to disagree. I needed drugs and they were what saved me. From my past I was ruined, wrecked, and broken, but drugs had made me feel whole again. So Hayley was absolutely wrong. I needed drugs and she was too close minded to understand that. But even knowing that, I still liked her. I still felt butterflies as I sat next to her.

    Closing my eyes, I wondered when this would end. When would I stop thinking abut this frustrating girl. All I needed was Mom, my drugs, and myself, so there was no space for Hayley in my life. There was no need to want her. But yet, I did.