New Drug

Chapter 22

    I pulled out Paper Towns by John Green and stared at the cover. Honestly, I had surprised myself. Not in a million years did I think I would become a reader.

    Wanting a new distraction, I had googled things that were good at distracting. Music had been a popular choice, but I had a habit of listening to depressing music, which was never a good thing. That was why I went with the next best option; reading.

    Apparently books had a way of making you escape reality. By reading someone else's journey, you were able to live another person's life and forget your own. That idea intrigued me and that was why I was now in bed, holding a book in my hand.

    I only had fifty pages of the book left and I had to admit, books were a great distraction. They did let you escape your own life and live another's, which allowed you to learn and open up your horizons. I regretted thinking that books were lame because of that.

Reading the book, I soon came to the end of it. It was bittersweet finishing a book. A part of me wished it didn't end, wanting to hear more about Quentin and the future he awaited. But that wasn't what left me lying in bed, staring at the ceiling as my thoughts consumed me. What left me filled with thoughts was the ending.

Quentin did not get a typical happily ever after. He hadn't ended up with the girl of his dreams, but he ended up a changed person due to his journey to realize he didn't need her. Thanks to Margo, he had grown, found himself, and so much more. They didn't end up together, but Quentin still got his own happily ever after. Seeing that, a realization suddenly hit me.

    Although I still liked Hayley and probably would until we made our separate ways in the future, I didn't need her for my happily ever after. Winning her heart didn't make me any better of a person, so I needed to stop being so worried about her. I needed to stop feeling like I had to be with her, even if she was taken. Because Hayley was happy and soon I would be too. That was good enough for me and I knew there was something I had to do.

   Laying in bed, I made plans for school for the next day. There was something I had to do. Something I should've done before actually, so sighing lightly, I felt excited. Closure was what I had always wanted and finally, I would get a bit of it.

*****

    Dylan and Hayley were sitting at their lunch table. They were talking about something, both wearing smiles, and something in me hurt. But, I threw that feeling away and told myself that Hayley was my friend. That was all she could ever be and I was fine with that.

I walked over to their table, mentally preparing my speech. All night the day before I had been planning it, but for the most part none of the right words would come to me. I hoped that would change now.

"Hey guys," I said, bringing Hayley and Dylan's attention to me.

The both of them looked confused when their eyes landed on me. I simply smiled, hoping to look pleasant. What I would say next was to free my heart and I kept my best intentions in mind.

"Hey Logan," Hayley finally said. "What's up?"

"Look, I've been reading," I said, surprising Hayley. "And I've learned something that made me realize that I need to say something and get some sort of closure. Hayley, you told me I should move on from my past, so excuse what I'm about to say."

Taking a deep breath, I told myself this was it. Here went everything.

"I like you Hayley. I still like you," I said, causing Dylan's eyes to narrow and Hayley's to widen. "I think you're incredible. Something about you caught my attention the day I met you and I just can't stop thinking about you. Although you can be frustrating, you're also a kindhearted person and... I can't help but like you."

Dylan didn't look pleased with my words, but to my surprise Hayley blushed. I realized then that this was my first time confessing how I truly felt and I suddenly felt embarrassed. But, I told myself to keep going.

"And Dylan. Well, I didn't really like you," I said bluntly. "You stole her before I even had a chance to be with her. Screw you."

"Sorry?" Dylan said, frowning.

     "And that's why I don't hate you." My eyes softened as I stared at the two of them. "That's why I'm fine with this." 

    Dylan stared at me, looking as if he couldn't quite figure me out. Hayley stared at me as well, but with curiosity in her eyes. I stared back, hoping I looked genuine.

    "Dylan, you're a good guy. You're the school president, smart, and kind. You're perfect for someone like Hayley," I said, smiling. "And Hayley deserves a guy like you. She deserves someone as great as her, so I'm happy you won her heart. She's in great hands and that allows me to feel at ease.

    "So why I'm saying all this is because I'm fine. I know you don't really care about how I feel, but I need to say it. I'm okay with you guys being together because a book taught me that your happily ever after doesn't always involve a girl. Even if you're crazy about her, sometimes fate decides that you're better off alone. So, I hope for the best for the two of you."

Dylan and Hayley stared at me, speechless. My cheeks felt warm because I wasn't used to confessing my feelings. I usually avoided talking about what lay in my heart, so this was a rare moment. Deep down, I couldn't believe I was saying such nice things to the person who ruined my chance with Hayley, but I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

Dylan suddenly smiled, causing me to relax. Hayley still didn't react and to my surprise, she seemed to be frowning. It was barely noticeable, but somehow I noticed.

"Thanks Logan," Dylan suddenly said, standing up. "That means a lot and if it makes you happy, I promise to always treat her right."

"Good," I said. "You're a lucky guy, Dylan."

Dylan held out a hand and I awkwardly took it and shook it. This seemed to be a truce between us and to my surprise, I did feel better. I actually felt the closure I needed when it came to Hayley.

Looking at Hayley, I wondered how she was feeling. She was staring at me, but she was silent. With my eyes, I urged her to say something.

"Thank you," she finally said, seeming to force a smile. "That... That was really sweet. I'm touched."

Something wasn't right. Hayley should be happy that I was moving on, but she didn't look like it. Staring at her, I wondered if I said something wrong.

But then, Hayley got up. She walked over to me and suddenly hugged me, catching me off guard. I hugged her back and closed my eyes as I told myself this was my last time to want her as more than a friend. From now on I was moving on and that meant, I wouldn't feel butterflies at Hayley's touch.