Faded (Minishaw)

Ch. 20

Harry's POV

(massive trigger warnings!!!!!!!!!!) 

Simon just runs away from me, he runs, I want to follow him. The girl looks at me, she looks confused as fuck, to be fair she probably is.

"what the hell is going on?"

"I wish I knew" I say as I start crying, She hugs me awkwardly and then she walks away to find Simon, he is her ride home. I just stand there, crying, I don't know what to do know, he clearly does not want to be with me anymore. 

I start walking home, I'm very upset, I don't want to live anymore, I've lost Simon, he clearly does not want to be with me, there is no point living anymore if I've lost him, then I've lost everything, I'm done. I stop at a pharmacy on the way home and buy some pills, then I go to another pharmacy to buy more. I need enough. I don't want to wake up again. We have some alcohol at home that I can take with, I will not fail. 

I get home and no one is there, thank god, I don't want to be stopped, Callum is stronger than me so he could physically stop me. I go and grab the Vodka bottle that is in the kitchen, It belongs to Cal but I don't even care, he can buy a new one, then I lock myself in my bathroom with my phone and the picture that I have on my nightstand of me and Simon. I decide to leave a note, It takes me a long time to get the note done, I don't know what to say, I'm just sorry that I can't do this anymore, I feel like I've nothing to live for anymore, Simon does not want me so what is the point. I feel shit all the time and I'm just done with this, I need to not feel this way anymore and this might be the only way for me to find peace. 

To everyone that I love 

I'm sorry, I just can't do this anymore, I'm done, I feel numb all the time, Like I'm not a person anymore, I've faded away. This just got to hard and I just can't live like this anymore. This is for the better, you might not see that right now, but you will. 

Mom and Dad I love you and thank you for everything, you are amazing and I could not have asked for better parents, I'm just sorry that I can't live up to all the things that you wanted for me.

Rosie and Josh, I'm sorry that I'm not going to see you grow up and live your life, I love you both so much, just remember that I will watch over you, I promise. 

Josh, Freya, JJ, Ethan, Vikk and Tobi, thank you for taking me under your wing, thank you for everything you have done for me. 

Cal,Cal and Sarah I'm sorry that I've left you with my mess, and I'm sorry you had to find me. I love you all so much. 

and if someone finds Simon again tell him I love him, but I just can't do this anymore and I'm sorry. 

I'm sorry for hurting everyone, I'm sorry that this had to end this way, I'm sorry that I've let you all down.

Love Harry

I lay the note on my desk, to be sure that itwill be found, It's covered in tears, my tears, I just hope that they can all forgive me one day. 

I then take the pills to the bathroom and lock the door behind me, I then open the first bottle off pills up and wash them down with the Vodka It's notgood but there is no point in doing this slow so I just swallow it and hope Idon't throw up or I would have failed. I wait for a minute and then open the second one, I get them down as well without trowing up, I then just wait for them to take affectand for me to drift off to sleep, I already feel a little sleepy.

Today is a good day to die.