Faded (Minishaw)

Ch. 14

- Conor's place-

Simon's POV

I can't believe I saw Josh and Freya, I miss them so much, I miss them all so much. I miss joking around with JJ and Vikk's lame puns that never fail to make me smile, I miss Ethan's laugh and Tobi's kindness and friendship, I miss Josh and the way we can talk about anything and everything, it does not even matter how crazy it is. But most off all I miss Harry. I miss his smile, his laugh and his body, I miss his kisses on my lips and the passion between us, I miss his hugs and the way he makes me feel all good inside. I can't believe I broke his heart, I never thought I would but I did, I broke his heart, his sweet little heart. But it's not only him that is hurting, I am as well, it was me who had to leave everything behind, it was me who was in danger.

I walk around my flat crying, I want to turn back, I want to be Simon again, I want my friends, I want my life back. I can't do this anymore, It did not hit me until I saw them yesterday now much I actually miss them. I knew that I would, but not this much. This is just getting to much for me to handle, I'm so close to marching down to the police station and tell them I'm done. I want to go back.

"Conor are you OK?" Lucy asked me, she slept over at mine last night as she saw how upset I was on the drive back, I just told her that I ran into an old friend that was mad at me. That was kinda true, Josh was a little mad I could see it in his eyes, even if he did not say anything.

"yeah I'm fine, I'll be fine"

"This must have been a good friend if he can upset you that much"

"he was my flat mate before I moved in here"

"so I take it you did not leave on good terms"

"kinda" I say, careful not to give away to much

"what did he say to you?"

"nothing important, I'm just over emotional, I did not expect to see him, that's all, I promise I'm OK" I say and she nods, she leaves shortly after that and I continue crying. I don't understand why I can't talk to my friends, the Police say that will blow my cover and I'm to valuable as a witness. They can't lose me.

- 2 days later –

I can't stop thinking about them, I don't know what to do. I drive by my house for the 3rd time this week, I want to knock on the door so badly. I see that none off there cars are there. I'm so tempted to go inside I still have my key to the place, just to see everything for the last time. I decide not to in the end, but I leave a little note in the mail box. I regret it strait away but I have to say something.

I'm so sorry for everything, I miss you all so much and I want to come back, but I just can't and I'm so, so sorry about that. I also can't tell you why, hopefully someday I will be able to explain everything and I hope you will understand.

JJ I miss you

Josh I miss you

Vikk I miss you

Tobi I miss you

Ethan I miss you

Harry I love you with all my heart, I'm so sorry I broke yours, I hope you can forgive me someday.

Simon.